Maybe I'm picky?

Time for the daily bore...

John: hey there

[10:50:13 pm]Mike: how's it going

[10:51:54 pm]John:good

[10:51:55 pm]John: yourself?

[10:52:05 pm]John: brb gonna brush my teeth

[10:52:30 pm]Mike: not to bad, got a hoagie and some ice tea nothing wrong with life

[10:58:08 pm]John: do you have my wallet I can't find it

[10:58:28 pm]Mike: is it with your toothpaste?

[10:58:55 pm]John: no...

[10:59:15 pm]Mike:then i'm fresh out of ideas

[11:00:48 pm]Mike: did you check your pants?

[11:03:45 pm]John: g2g

[11:03:46 pm]John: ttyl

John: yay crisis over

[11:08:13 pm]Mikes: you found it?

[11:10:04 pm]John: I walked past it 10 times in the corse of looking for it

[11:10:23 pm]Mike: gotcha. heading out to the bar?

[11:10:29 pm]John: no

[11:10:34 pm]John: just wanted to know where it was

[11:16:02 pm]John:why did u wanna take me out to the bar? Note he's only 20

[11:16:40 pm]Mike: I was more trying to figure out why at 11 you needed your wallet

I kept the time stamps to show the weird awkward pauses. Even as I type this I wait for him to -you know- actually engage in a conversation other than 'hey what's up'. Why would I want to take him to a bar? I know absolutely nothing about him. From online 'conversation' I fear as though he may not be able to articulate simple questions to even make conversation. *Shallow Note* He's not even cute enough for a drunken snog.

Is it wrong to hold out for a guy who actually asks me about myself and is genuinely interested before I take the plunge on a couple drinks?

So my goal is to keep this entry a bit more light hearted than the last one. There is a guy who looks like Nicky

No lie. He's hot. But he lives in New York and seems like a frat boy type. Not that I have anything against that. Here is part of his profile. Simple but made me laugh. Most guys aren't blunt enough to put this stuff.

Frat boy. Although that last question reminded me of someone...

If you can't read that it says "I'm a Virgin but this is an old t-shirt". God bless Ms. Britney Spears.

So back to hot guy. Why does he have to be geographically undesirable. Thank you Piper Halliwell for using that on Leo. One of my favorite phrases, I even used it on job resume once for why I left my previous job. Back to the point all the interesting/attractive ones are geographically undesirable. WTF?!?!

Late as always these days

Obsession of the Week:

Being Erica. The show about a girl who goes in therapy and relives all her regrets in life. Very thought provoking even though it's incredibly Canadian. To sum it all up: You can't change the past just learn to fix your present. Obligatory link for you to check out-  http://www.hulu.com/being-erica  And a picture just because I like posting those

(picture taken with love from http://tv.ign.com/articles/114/1140700p1.html)

But as I was kindly borrowing the photo I was read that ABC is going to try and make an American version of this. Dear major networks have we learned nothing in television history? Americans can't rewrite good TV from other countries. Just show it as is.

Ut oh! Robert Stack is here you know what that means...

UPDATE!

 

John: yea I was kidding 
John: I had money I need to put in it 
John: and when I couldn't find it 
John: well I'm going to bed 
John: ttyl

Oh thank God! I can sleep easy. Gang the mystery of the missing wallet is solved.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Unless you've been living under a rock, or on the west coast, or in a different country, the east coast is buried under snow. What that means for me? Absolutely nothing. With no work or school there are no snow days. I get to sit and watch as dozens of people put up statuses of their horrid snow stories and think to myself, 'is that so important you had to put it on facebook?' That's been running through my head a lot lately. I've realized that the only reason I ever use the thing is to talk to about 4 different people and usually put Carrie quotes as my status. Thinking outside of myself the conclusion is - totally lame and pointless. All this fosters my thoughts to make me wonder:

Where did all my friendships go?

Short answer. I am a bad friend. I don't like talking on the phone. I also am horrible at planning things. I'm a follower not a leader. I admit it. However I feel like in the back of my head there is this voice saying 'it takes two to have a relationship'.  It does take two.  However sometimes one party lacks and the other has to compensate, otherwise you sink. I've sunk. Dozens of time. It's easy for me to point the finger of blame and say 'they are the reason for blah blah blah' but it's my fault too. The scary part: I'm usually OK with that. I've compensated friendships for video games or watching movies. I don't talk to a single guy from my high school. Four years together and nothing not a single one. (There was a brief 2 week period that involved a guy from my grade who found me on that dating site. However we aren't going to relive that period with the guy I've deemed 'Mac Boy'. He got this title because all he could talk about were Apple products. )

I know part of my problem is that I don't really talk. I sit there and let the other person talk. I have nothing exciting really going on in my life (or so I feel). So I don't sit there and drone on and on about things. I don't want to feel like a loser and only have TV and video games to talk about. So I don't talk. I don't feel like I'm an interesting person. So I don't even try. I didn't even call a 'friend' of mine on her birthday this week just because I had nothing to talk about. I'm boring and I feel a bit guilty about that. Solution- I avoid talking at all costs.

However all of this brings me to the main topic that has been eating me alive:

"Holding on to yesterdays, far, far too long"

Ten naive points for those who didn't automatically guess that was a Westlife lyric. Funny how a line from a love song is taking so out of context and articulates my life so well. I have an issue of not letting go. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. There was a time about a decade ago when I liked -well we'll call her- Cady. Mainly because this girl resembled the Mean Girl's Lindsay Lohan. Physically -kinda. Moving on to the point, I was in love with this girl for 5 years. Things changed the first time we went on a 'date'. It was to a school dance and she danced with just about every other guy and I realized her personality wasn't what I thought it was. Maybe she had changed over time and I wanted the old Cady, or maybe I just didn't know any better. At the time she was into smoking pot and drinking and I wasn't about that. But I still had a fond place in my heart, until 'Barbie' (yay fake names). Tall, skinny, tan, blond girl who was a year older than me and was gorgeous. She literally made me stutter the first time I talked to her. Needless to say she had a boyfriend, wait for the cliche, quaterback of the football team. In fact here is their picture from the yearbook:

She was nice to me though, we joked around, I even did her homework for her at one point. I am so that chump. Things never worked out. You knew this going into it, I knew it living it, and well I just allowed it. But in my head and heart I was OK with it. Those brief moments of laughing together felt nice. Well worth the unrequited love at the time. Now I think to myself you were such a douchebag for those girls. After 'Barbie' I basically was emotionally dead. It's hard to go from like in love, excited to wake up and go to school everyday, and feel amazing for brief moments that make you realize you're alive to nothing. At that point I never really liked anyone that strong. There was an odd crush here and there. Aka one guy in my economics class but we aren't going into that cause nothing ever happened. 

So jump ahead about 6 years. 6 years of really thinking you'd never, find someone, feel that intense head over heels feeling, feel complete. *insert montage of setting up online dating profile*. One day I saw a profile, it made me laugh and realize my profile made me sound like a twat. I messaged the guy and used those exact words. We started talking and after about 2 weeks. I was so happy. I thought I had found my first boyfriend. My life was litterally a Carrie Underwood lyric "I wake up feeling that my life's worth living. Can't recall when I last felt that way." It's the truth I was excited to be up at night talking to him and even more excited to wake up and talk to him again. But I think we all figured out who I'm referring to...Mike. Things obviously went tits up or the tone of this entry would be slightly more uplifting. *insert circular motion to the Westlife quote in bold* My point. There are 8 messages from Mike in my Facebook. All of which are affectionate. He called me babe and I loved it. Considering when other people have called me that I would yell I'm not a talking pig. I have this deep fear that if I delete those messages I will have no proof that anyone ever cared or liked me. I can't help but feel like if it never happens again I need to have something to know that there was a chance, there was hope, I was special even for 3 months. It's funny how my first message to him basically said he made me feel like a twat. I haven't talked to him in about 3 and a half months and he's making me feel like a twat for totally different reasons. 

I need to learn to let go. I hold on to the past and emotionally abuse myself for this deep rooted fear that I will never be happy. At 24 and no real relationship to speak of I can't tell if my fear is irrational or coming to fruition. I'm still out there trying. I really am.

Long story short, I hold on to yesterday because I had them. They were real. They were tangible. I think I've lost faith in the word tomorrow.

I guess now would be a good time for some updates to take my mind off all this crap:

Page views are down to about 63.

I've gotten 2 messages this week. One was the boring IM guy. He keeps iming me but I miss them cause I log on for 30 seconds then log off. The other from a guy who seems nice but physically I could never be attracted too. (I'm trying not to be so shallow but I can't help the way I feel. I've waited this long to try and date/get a relationship. I'm not going to settle for something that doesn't feel right.)

Hannibal-Home-School has removed his profile from the dating site. The morning after that conversation from the last entry took place. I'm not really surprised to be honest.

So right now I need all of you to help me

I really need to start going to bed earlier before I keep posting more emo shit like this...

When God closes a door...

He opens a window and the crazies fucking come on through.

I'm saying it here and now, that is the last time I will ever complain about having nothing to write about. I have never been more uncomfortable talking to someone than I was tonight. Here is the whole conversation. This guy needs help. His name for all intensive purposes will be Hannibal Home-school because he is fucking crazy. My name for this conversation will be scared victim, because that's what I'm afraid I'll be if I continue to talk to him...
As we proceed through this conversation. I will be using a very common dating term during areas I felt that were 'touchy'

For example on his profile I noticed this.

That's a red flag. Rules for dating: NEVER TRUST ANYONE WHO DOESN'T DRINK!


Scared Victim:howdy
Hannibal Home-school:wats up
Scared Victim: not to much just watching some tv how bout you
Hannibal Home-school:talking to friends
Scared Victim: good stuff, so are you in school?
Hannibal Home-school: nope, you? Not the greatest fact but sometimes people make good money without and education...
Scared Victim: I just graduated in December
Scared Victim: do you have a job?
Hannibal Home-school: sorta
Scared Victim: rent boy?
Hannibal Home-school: affiliate marketing
Scared Victim: where ya doing that at?
Hannibal Home-school: home
Hannibal Home-school: ;p;
Hannibal Home-school: lol
Scared Victim: well I wasn't sure what do you have a blog or site?
Hannibal Home-school: site, but needs to be redone cause it fails lol
Hannibal Home-school: you do it too?
Scared Victim: what's the site about
Scared Victim: haha no my blog is for personal use only
Hannibal Home-school: reviews to sell the products What products?
Hannibal Home-school: lol
Scared Victim: so was your blog about reviews and everything?
Scared Victim: so do you have any hobbies?
Hannibal Home-school: computers. as dumb as that may sound, but im rly good at it
Hannibal Home-school: i can repair them and all
Hannibal Home-school: if you could have one thing right now, what would it be No it's ok, I don't like being asked if I have any hobbies or anything.
Scared Victim: dinner
Scared Victim: i'm starving
Scared Victim: what about you
Hannibal Home-school: actually, to feel wanted :| Sad. But that just makes you sound desperate.
Scared Victim: how long ya been single for?
Hannibal Home-school: since i was born lol
Hannibal Home-school: most the guys i talked to where assholes
Scared Victim: well comes with the nature
Hannibal Home-school: soo
Hannibal Home-school: movies At that point he had to read my profile. I said it's one of my favorite things to do.
Scared Victim: what about em?
Hannibal Home-school: u like? No I put it in my profile for no fucking reason...
Scared Victim: yes sir how bout you?
Hannibal Home-school: yep
Hannibal Home-school: i sit in the back though
Hannibal Home-school: lol
Scared Victim: ok?
Hannibal Home-school: ya
Scared Victim: any reason for that
Hannibal Home-school: just sayin
Hannibal Home-school: lol
Hannibal Home-school: well, my cousin actually started me on that, so it kinda just turned into a thing
Scared Victim: oh i wasn't sure if i was supposed to be taking some hidden meaning from it Why else would you mention that unless he's implying he gives blowjobs or something in the back row.
Hannibal Home-school: well
Hannibal Home-school: i also get anxiety around ppl i dont know too so
Scared Victim: so you're like agoraphobic?
Hannibal Home-school: um
Hannibal Home-school: no
Scared Victim: just wonderin
Hannibal Home-school: i guess a social phobia of some sort? Right agoraphobia.
Scared Victim: is it bad or you just get really anxious?
Hannibal Home-school: oh its really bad, no meds helped me
Scared Victim: do you know why or when it started?
Hannibal Home-school: started when i was young, always had it
Hannibal Home-school: got worse as i got older
Scared Victim: so I take it you don't go out much?
Hannibal Home-school: depends on the place rly
Hannibal Home-school: like, i dont go to malls or clubs So you sit at home and make it sound like you don't.
Scared Victim: no concerts?
Hannibal Home-school: nope
Scared Victim: so did you ever go to college or the anxiety thing hold ya back?
Hannibal Home-school: held me back
Scared Victim: was high school hell cause of it?
Hannibal Home-school: i become home schooled at 5th grade Another red flag. Home schooled kids are socially awkward. I should have known already from this conversation.
Scared Victim: oh wow
Scared Victim: so are you freakishly good at spelling?
Hannibal Home-school: lol im normal with it like everyone else
Scared Victim: wasn't sure if you were like one of those nerdy kids on the spelling bees
Hannibal Home-school: haha
Hannibal Home-school: no
Hannibal Home-school: soo
Scared Victim: yeah
Hannibal Home-school: you like me so far or no? Who the fuck asks that. I wouldn't ask that to someone I've been talking to for months let alone 20 mins? Red Flag Penalty: Desperate for attention!
Scared Victim: honestly it's hard to tell
Scared Victim: you dropped a pretty big bombshell Aka no but you aren't taking the hint.
Hannibal Home-school: :3
Scared Victim: so why bodybuilding? Says so on his profile.
Hannibal Home-school: keep in shape, kill stress...etc
Scared Victim: so have you gone on many dates with people on here?
Hannibal Home-school: nope, not many of them seem accepting with the way i am I wonder why...
Scared Victim: i'm sure you hear this alot but have you tried therapy?
Hannibal Home-school: tried it when i was 12, didnt do anything
Hannibal Home-school: doctors says im the worse you can get What doctor admits that?
Scared Victim: that sucks
Hannibal Home-school: ya
Hannibal Home-school: my cousin is the only one that seems to understand me
Hannibal Home-school: cause shes the same way So crazy runs in the family?
Scared Victim: gotcha is she as bad as you?
Hannibal Home-school: no
Hannibal Home-school: so
Hannibal Home-school: um
Hannibal Home-school: u got aim?
Scared Victim: yeah
Hannibal Home-school: can i add
Scared Victim: sure
Scared Victim: *name*
Hannibal Home-school: added
Scared Victim: haha is that your way of saying get on it?
Hannibal Home-school: maybe ;D
Hannibal Home-school: now i can close that chat lol

Scared Victim: yeah that chat is a pain

Hannibal Home-school: anything else u wanna know

Scared Victim: is there anything else I should know really
 Aka I'm not interested but you aren't taking the hint and I don't want to be a douche and say piss off.
Hannibal Home-school: um

Hannibal Home-school: did i explode the bomb? lol

Scared Victim: the bomb is a pretty big distraction
Hannibal Home-school: i cant help it though

Scared Victim: No I know you can't Obviously doesn't mean I want to hang out with a nut job.
Scared Victim: just a lot to drop in a first conversation

Hannibal Home-school: well

Hannibal Home-school: if it helps at all, i most likely wont be like that with u if we ever met

Scared Victim: what makes you think that?
Hannibal Home-school: because we would have talked for a while by then lol

Scared Victim: oh I wasn't sure

Hannibal Home-school: i guess i will leave you to think about what i said

Scared Victim: sorry was just waiting for you to ask me about me
 Cause he had yet to ask me one real question about myself. Sad part is that's a common issue with a lot of guys.
Hannibal Home-school: i thought i did but u didnt answer

Hannibal Home-school: guess i didnt?

Scared Victim: not really

Hannibal Home-school: oh
Hannibal Home-school: well

Hannibal Home-school: tell me about you then
Scared Victim: you sound like a shrink

Hannibal Home-school: lol why

Scared Victim: isn't that what they say on your first visit when you lay there

Hannibal Home-school: actually mine asked if i liked guys or girls
Hannibal Home-school: lol
Scared Victim: right off the bat?

Hannibal Home-school: umm

Hannibal Home-school: i think he said some things about him firs
t
Scared Victim: was he gay 2?

Hannibal Home-school: he was old
Scared Victim: and a bigot?
Hannibal Home-school: so, you come off straight right?
Scared Victim: is a pink tank top not?
Hannibal Home-school: lolwut

Hannibal Home-school: so

Hannibal Home-school: thats a no?
Scared Victim: I come across straight
 Eh?
Hannibal Home-school: k

Hannibal Home-school: same

Scared Victim: wait so if you were home schooled did you ever go to prom or anything?
Hannibal Home-school: no

Hannibal Home-school: i would of not went anyway
Scared Victim: oh true anxiety and what not  He's prolly never done anything fun in his life.
Hannibal Home-school: ya
Hannibal Home-school: im getting tired

Scared Victim: ok then go to bed

Hannibal Home-school: well
Hannibal Home-school: dont really wanna just leave

Scared Victim: it's not rude if you're tired

Hannibal Home-school: r u having fun?
 Again who the fuck asks that? Red flag. Clingy and needs positive attention so he asks for it.
Scared Victim: it's alright meeting people is always weird at first Aka no.
Hannibal Home-school: true

Hannibal Home-school: you a pyro? WTF?
Scared Victim: what makes you ask that?

Hannibal Home-school: playing with my lighter, it burns at 3,000F lol

In my head I'm thinking along the lines of this:

  
Scared Victim: huh?
Hannibal Home-school: fire

Scared Victim: and you're playing with it?
Hannibal Home-school: somewhat
Scared Victim: well im gonna drop some knowledge on you
Scared Victim: only you can prevent forest fires
Right Smokey? 

 
Jesus Smokey you aren't helping! For fucks sake...
Hannibal Home-school: its almost out of fuel anyway

Hannibal Home-school: i recently made a new friend though Satan?
Hannibal Home-school: shes more of a pyro than me

Scared Victim: if you are comparing pyro tendencies that's not good
Hannibal Home-school: lol

Hannibal Home-school: :3
Hannibal Home-school: im just pointing out that im not as bad as others
Hannibal Home-school: xD
 Enough of the fucking smilies you twat.
Scared Victim: normally people don't have to point that out at all

Hannibal Home-school: lol another red flag for you i guess? You guess. Wow you're dense.
Scared Victim: not going to lie it's another one yes
Hannibal Home-school: how many did i raise
Scared Victim: a couple (dozen)
Hannibal Home-school: ok at least its not a lot, a couple is normal with anyone

Scared Victim: no red flags are deal breakers

Hannibal Home-school: anyway

Hannibal Home-school: im gonna go to bed
Hannibal Home-school: i guess we will talk more tomorrow?
 Probably not.
Hannibal Home-school: k, well word of advice before i go, if your expectations are too high then your gonna find a lot of flaws in me, so hopefully you can understand, night A person who can't be out in public and plays with fire. Clearly my dream man.


I originally thought long and hard about posting this whole mess. I mean the guy clearly has problems. If there is one thing I've learned from Dr. Zasio on Hoarders it's that these problems are real and should be taken seriously. I didn't want to mock him in a public forum. However the way he acts and clearly has no interest in anyone but himself pushed me over the edge. Don't try to tell me how to set my standards and expectations. Just because you can't reach them doesn't mean I have to lower them. Here's an idea go back to therapy, actually try, considering you're 20 and can't go out in public, then try and talk to me. Actually don't. I don't want to be burned alive.

Meanwhile as I was writing this and putting it all together. I get an IM from another guy:

Other dude whose name I don't remember: hey there

Me: how's it going

Other dude whose name I don't remember: good, yourself?

Me:not too bad trying to figure out dinner

Other dude whose name I don't remember:I had a hot ham sandwhich

ZZzzzZzzz

Why the fuck do people message me if they can't ask question. My back hurts from carrying them all through this process. God damn I hate people some days...

Anyway I'm a day late but my current obsession of the week:
Epic Battle Fantasy 3

Did I play number 1 or 2? No. But this is a fun RPG type game. It feels a little bit like Final Fantasy X. Although this one has corny jokes and you can get an award for continually clicking on the girl Natalie's boobs. Crude humor and fun game play make this definitely worth checking out and playing.
Here's the link to check it out: http://armorgames.com/play/6897/epic-battle-fantasy-3

Well that's it for now. It has officially been one full week since I stopped playing WoW! Go me. And my page views are up to 73. Although finding quality messages are still a challenge. I'm not complaining...I swear I'm not complaining...no more weirdos.

Updates and the like

So let's start this off classy. I stumbled upon this whilst scanning some profiles: (yes I said whilst)

I'm with Nicky on this one, who the fuck plays water polo?!

Sad part is the guy had a nice body and seemed to have his act together. I just had to laugh at that.

Another update.

WHORING YOURSELF WORKS!

Suck on those statistics. Sad what uploading two additional pictures and changing a few things every other day can do. I went from 10 to 67 in less than a week. I know you're all like YAY! mission accomplished. But alas things with the cute guy have fizzled. I think I only liked him cause he looked a lil bit like this Irish bastard of love:

Yes I am more inclined to talk to people who look like they are from Westlife. It's sad yes...but always amusing.

Now that we fixed the page view problem, we should work on the how do we get more messages. I am going to fix my profile saying I love mail from everyone and that I love to talk. I also need to make sure I'm not an orange or red. The amount of mail you respond to is color coated. Green means you reply often, orange means selectively, and red means very selectively. Lets just say I've fallen into the red zone a few times. However the only way you can see what color you are is to ask a friend. So I have to just respond to all sorts of shit and hopefully get more material for the blog.

As I was writing this entry I was on that lovely site (not really lovely) and I got an instant message. Converstations, like the following, are why I'm single:

John: hiya

Mike: hey how's it going

John: good, yourself?

Mike:doing great how was your MLK day?

John:procrastination filled :)

Mike: what should you have been doing?

John: didn't have anything on my agenda really

Mike: then how can you procrastinate?

John:well wanted to vacuum before dinner but it didn't happen until 7

Mike:so are you going to open a photography business? That's what his profile says in his about me

John:I do some stuff here and there, need to update that

John:I guess your mike, I'm John

Mike:haha yeah

Mike:oh so change of plans I take it

John: yea, it's established just my ex wasn't good to me making work, he destroyed a lot of my creative energy

Mike: what do you mean making you work I couldn't decipher that last sentence. I need a decoder ring for a lot of the guys on here I think...

John:photos

Mike:oh gotcha, did you do a lot of the shooting, post, or lights?

John: I'm a one man operation

John: and I'm a natural light guy

Mike:gotcha

Mike:so what do you think you'll do now

5 minutes later...

John:I gotta go

John:ttyl

For those of you who just woke up. I apologize. I was bored and I was in the conversation. Mailing someone takes a lot of courage but the instant message is gutsy. You have to make sure you can communicate fast and efficiently with the person as well as give a great first impression on the fly. Clearly this kid could not do that. What I gather from that brief exchange is that he's emotionally distracted by his past, doesn't have a current direction, and has no zest for life at this time. But what really sealed John in the 'blokes I'll never talk to again' category: he was unattractive. A fact that could have been overlooked if he had a personality...

Why do all the hot ones live in NYC?

Gang we've got a mystery to solve!

Here's what you  need to solve it:

And the secret message as left in my inbox on that dating site:

I was going to write back 'learn to complete a sentence then holler atcho boy.' But after taking a quick glimpse at this profile I realized he is from the Philippines. So needless to say I didn't respond. However there is this cute new guy that I am mildly mailing. I'm not getting my hopes up yet. Just seeing how things progress...

Back to the point

So I realized this is considered a 'guide' and I have not instructed anything yet. The first topic I'm going to teach you what to do, how to deal with unwanted advances: Note I'm in grey.

After that he didn't respond to me again. The thing is people don't like laziness. It's funny cause everyone seems to procrastinate but just because some people (including myself) are more upfront about liking to sleep and hate working, he automatically demoted me. Note if you are a girl, not having a job may not be a deal breaker. So might I suggest you say that you are living off your child support.

Now lets say you're at a bar and someone touches your ass/junk. What do you do or respond? I found one viable option is to take their hand and place it on their junk and tell them 'you'll have more luck there' and walk away.

I'll try and think of more situations later that I've encountered. I wish I had all my emails from over the summer saved then I could show you more ridiculous messages and how to get guys to stop messaging you.

Basically this site is like man-shopping. You click through pages and you look at different guys. I've seen this once before...

Yeah something like that...

Saying Goodbye.

This entry probably should have been part of the Stats entry but well you can't control time. You can only control what you do with it. Last night I was bored and I decided to look up my old Everquest character. The little gnome mage that I grew up with. 6 years of playing the same character. But when I looked at his stats my jaw hit the floor. Total time played: 77 days, 6 hours, 18 minutes.

My thoughts exactly fellas. That's scary. So I went to bed with all those thoughts swimming in my head. That's 2 months of playing a game in the span of 6 years that's crazy. I thought about it more and I realized in July I will have played WoW for 2 years. I don't want it to reach 6 years. I'm too old to spend that much time on a game. When I logged on I got an ever worse suprise

Total time played: 96 days, 14 hours, and 57 minutes.

I know CS, I know. I'm scared and ashamed as well.

96 days in the span of 18 months. That is crazy. The decision to quit actually came easy. I don't want to waste my life on a game. I barely remember anyone from Everquest or the shit I did. I don't want to follow that route with WoW. As of right now I canceled my subscription so I have till March already paid for but tonight after the raid I'm telling my guild that I got into grad school and my internship starts in a few weeks and I'm moving. So I won't be playing anymore.

The good news is I'm already Facebook friends with the people I want to stay in contact with but I will miss a few of the stupid things. Like sitting in the city listening to people say the most retarded shit in trade chat. Like last night they spent an hour changing moving titles to include the word Murloc. This is a Murloc:

They don't talk well they do but it's this amazing noise that anyone could say but never spell. I will also miss the times when you wanted to lag out a city so a ton of people would hop on their mammoths and start a mammoth train.

And that was a small chain they usually have a lot more people than that one.

So stupid shit aside I think it'll be a good move for me as a whole. I'll have more time to write and more time to spend with my family. This year's goal is to move to Europe and I can't do that sitting on a game.

The truly scary part of all this is not the time that I've wasted, or the people I've forgotten, but the fact I am truly OK with this being a part of my past. I feel so grown up and that scares me more than you could ever know...

Stats

First this entry is dedicated to my lovely and amazing friend Tiffany Chaney. Better known as 'Artist in the Making'. She was kind and generous enough to make the top logo. Not to mention has been inspiring me for years with her work. This includes writing, painting, poems, blogging, and everything in general. She is a true artist and should be celebrated. For example my favorite piece she's done:

I highly encourage a trip over to her site www.tiffanychaney.com to see and purchase other amazing art.

Now for the topic at hand: Stats.
What kind of stats you say? Well every time you log into that lovely dating site, it has the stats of how many people have viewed your page that week. Included in that is the list of the people who look. My current stats:

10... My assistant Jared is going to help us count that out:

Thank you Jared. 10 views a week. That's pathetic. When I first joined over the summer I was getting around 65 views a week. So what do we do? The solution is simple.

SLUT IT UP ON THE INTERNET!

I had to think. Do I really want to do that to myself. Put up a ton of pictures and change my profile everyday? Not really...but then I gave it more thought and asked myself would it be worth it and the answer:

No the answer wasn't fist pump like we are in Jersey. But rather 'Hells Yeah!' In the end whoring yourself ultimately will land you a man...

So the project at hand: By adding new pictures and changing my profile how many views can I get in one week. I'm a man of science. So I will continually track everyday to see the differences.

I need to decide on some pics to put up. I have seen some guys put up pictures like this

And I think to myself 'wow that looks awesome.' Then again this photo is of Jensen Ackles. Ergo it's professionally done. Secondly I don't think my lips, jawline, or any one section of my face is sexy. We can't forget the most important lesson Jensen has ever taught us:

Truer words were never spoken. So here is my problem how to be sexy without compromising the fact that I don't want to look like: 1. I'm trying too hard 2. I am not sexy but rather cute 3. I'm going to make a giant twat of myself...

In addition to low numbers there was another shocker. 'The Lawyer' had looked at my profile. Here's the story:

Once upon a time there was a boy who went on a dating site. (das me!) And he looked around and saw this attractive boy. (das the laywer) But the one boy was too shy and couldn't think of anything to say to the lawyer so he decided not to message him. Well one day the lawyer messaged the boy. They talked and had a lovely conversation and then became facebook friends. From that point on anytime they tried to talk on facebook the conversation was one sided. Aka the lawyer really wasn't engaging like he originally had. Finally the shy guy (das me!) asked the really hot lawyer out for coffee. The laywer said yes. However a day later when trying to plan when the coffee date would occur, the lawyer (das him) said "I don't think you realize I'm in lawschool...etc etc" He apparently is too busy to have coffee. Even though the shy guy (das not me but still a shy guy)

said he would drive over 2 hours to have said coffee date. Needless to say the coffee date never happened. Even though the lawyer got the shy guy's hopes up.

So here's the problem with this story. If you are in law school and you don't have time to spare for someone to drive 2 hours to your location to have coffee, why are you on a dating site?!?!

The real issue with the lawyer is that he had a great personality the first time we talked. He was engaging and funny. His personality was awesome. Then came the amazing icing on the lawyer cake. He could sing. He was in a band and I heard his stuff. It was good and sexy. He was attractive. Like genuinely attractive had nice eyes, a great smile, like cambells he was Mmm Mmm good. Also he was a twin. I love twins. Sure it was fraternal but still a twin. Now for the final detail that made him perfect and made me want to marry him. He was a fan of:

Those goonies.

So yeah on paper he was exactly everything I would like. He also was a rebound after Mike. I would love to message him and actually have that coffee date because I feel like if we met in person he'd see I'm not a dumb twat. But I think the window of opportunity has been closed for a while now.

Well that's it for now. I'm going to go post new pictures and play the internet whoring game. I will keep the blog posted with details and updates aka a graph of views for the week to see if it was a success or not...here's hoping.

We all have to start somewhere...

Like millions of people out there (I presume) one of my New Year's resolutions was to start a blog. This is where if I was on TV they'd start the flashbacks to the other nine blogs I've had in my life. All of those being failures. But hopefully this time will be different. I want this one to really document and explore the things going on in my life instead of me bitching about work and school non stop. Don't worry there will be plenty of bitching but this time I'm hoping to include random photos (most likely copious amounts of Westlife/Supernatural photos) to express my reactions.

The first topic to be discussed...how we got here.
Answer. New Year's resolutions. My list was very simple this year, cut back on soda, run on the treadmill everyday, start a blog, and move to Europe. Yes I'm sure about Europe. I know it doesn't sound easy but if I apply and get into grad school I'd do it in Europe. I have a few school narrowed down currently I just need to you know...actually apply. The forms are sitting saved in my bookmarks till the time when I get enough energy to start filling them out. There's also the problems of getting loans, a house, and moving but we'll focus on the simple problems first.

The next big thing I wanted to do for my New Year's resolution was to continue work on Senior Year. The tale of unrequited love of a high school senior. Original I know. I started it about two years ago. (I literally got a pang in my heart about that one. I started it so long ago and have made no progress.) The reason this story means so much to me is it's the first one I ever put on a site. In fact I was fic of the week, for 4 months. Quite the feat if I do say so myself. (Mainly cause the site stopped updating after the second chapter was posted) But minor details aside here's the photo. (Cause you know how we roll 'PICTURES OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN')

I apologize in advanced. I am terrible with coding and just as bad at photo editing. Once I get a new program I'm going to be working on more pictures to capture every range of emotion as depicted by celebrities, mainly Irish ones.

It seems I've lost the plot. One thing I was thinking of making a resolution was to find a boyfriend. I realized after some thought you can't plan that you can only try. So I went back on that lovely dating site for a few weeks. Guys are pushy. No not like that...

More like after one message or two, they'll give me their number and say text me some time. 

Point in case:

tom2009:  :) heyy

Mike: howdy
tom2009: hows your friday night going?
Mike: it ended a little short actually
Mike: was watching the *school* football game but my friend got sick so i had to take him home
tom2009: Oh that sucks. haha i wanted to go! Lol
Mike: Main street was a shit show tonight
tom2009: I was on main street tonight actually
tom2009:so what are you looking for on here :)
Mike:um friends, maybe a boyfriend I'm not really getting my hopes up
Mike:I hate to do this brostuff but I actually gotta run sorry for cutting this short

*A few hours later*

tom2009:get my email
tom2009:  :)
Mike:let me look

*The Mail*

Well maybe we could

could go to grotto's or something for dinner one night :)

text me

###-2##-1##4

(; 

Literally you're asking me out after talking to me about sod all for 15 minutes.

I agree with Britney it makes no sense...anyway moving forward...

*Second Mail of Missed Instant Message*

tom2009:Me either. I would like to be your friend. I want a bud. Like a boyfriend who is like my best friend, we can do masculine stuff together or just relax at home on that swing in the summertime on the porch watchin the sunset :D

At this point he had quoted my own profile back to me. As shown in the green text. I used the Carrie Underwood line from quitter that I wanted the picket fence and the swing on the front porch. Both true statements but I also love to throw Carrie Underwood into everything. The other thing that confused the fuck out of me is the 'we can do masculine stuff together'. What the fuck does that even mean... And lastly a man that uses that many smilies is beyond gay. But let's continue:

Mike:what exactly do you mean by manly things?
tom2009:lol.
tom2009:umm. basic stuff guys do
Mike:like what?
tom2009:football,baseball
tom2009:chillin
Mike:gotcha
tom2009:yeah lol
tom2009:we should go grottos
Mike:I wasn't sure what you were alluding too
tom2009:  :)
Mike:so i take it you go to *school*?
tom2009:no lol lots of friends do tho
tom2009:do you? text me ###-###-####   Again with the texting? 
Mike:No I actually graduated from *different school*
tom2009:oh nice :)
tom2009:i go to *some school* online for criminal law
tom2009: :) private investigators
tom2009:heres where i work..
tom2009: Link  I didn't click the link because I didn't and still don't care.
Mike:so you spy on people
Mike:that's not creepy
tom2009:lol
tom2009:for government
Mike: still creepy
Mike: big brother
tomrog2009:lol...ehh..im more into equine though Most random transition ever.
tom2009:like i like horses more!
Mike: you ride?
tom2009:lol tryin
tom2009:its dressage Dressage: the art or method of training a horse in obedience and in precision of movement.

tom2009:you
Mike: never ridden
tom2009: :) i love horses.
Mike:does your family own any?
tom2009:no i wish
Mike:that's cool my cousin has a farm but i never ride his horses
The cousin in question? Obviously CS  

tom2009:  :)
tom2009:so u free tomorrow
Mike:  actually i already have plans
tom2009:oh bummer
tom2009:sunday?
Mike:  anxious to hang out? He logged off at this point. The rest I didn't even see till I wrote this entry.
tom2009:lol no. just you seem pretty cool
tom2009:well. im goin to bed work at 530
tom2009:Goodnight. Nice Talking to ya! (=

So as you can probably tell from the tone of my little extras I'm not really into that guy at all. (Not to sound shallow but he's overweight and I would never physically be attracted to him) There is another guy named Chris who I had similar generic conversations with who asked me to drinks last week. (He's not fat or bad looking just not my type) I said I was busy. Was I? Not really. He gave me his number. I have yet to use it. Nor will I. I guess I shouldn't lead him on. Maybe I'll tell him I'm getting back with my ex (not that I have an ex)...although why would I still be on the site...hmmm...What's the politest way to tell someone you're an asshole? Maybe I'm just being hard on myself or maybe dating is just terrible.

I'm at the point where I don't think there's anyone on there I'd be interested in. I keep comparing everyone to Mike. The bastard that was so perfect for me but ultimately a huge douche that strung me along. I don't know how but I found my ground and removed him from my life. Just because he's out of my life doesn't mean he's out of my mind...or my heart at times. I honestly miss the 3 hour Skype conversations at 2 in the morning about nothing. He got it. I don't know if anyone else ever will. The only way I know I truely cared about him is that I overlooked every flaw in the book. And I literally mean EVERY. FLAW. and several red flags.

But if I ever want to move on I have got to get my act together. As Queen once sang "I'm okay, I'm alright, I ain't gonna face no defeat." So I guess in the purpose of my love life and the amusement of having things to write about I'm going to stay on the site.

A recurring theme on my blog is going to be my obsession of the week.
This week:

The story of Hannah/Belle. A prostitute and her way of life in the city of London. Needless to say a ton of sexual escapades ensue. It's pretty much amazing, witty, and entertaining. I highly recommend everyone to watch. Plus there is nothing wrong with looking at Billie Piper for long periods of time. *Heartbreak* Apparently season 4 will be the final season. Why do I always join the party late. Wish I had started watching at season 1. I know I can't win them all but I'd like to win once...Well at least I found out about the show and can hopefully spread the love. (To the massive 3 readers I may achieve)

I think that's all I can think of for now. Dimitrious sends his love to all of you. I will be putting up some pictures of the little monkey on here soon.

As the dwarf in Ironforge tells me in a Scottish accent every time I hop on the griffin to fly out of town "Keep your feet on the ground!"