A moment of clarity.

So I've had previous entries about feeling lost, how my friends I feel aren't really my friends, and how I'm at a loss of what to do about 'Neil'. Well tonight 'Jodi' called me. She and I had an hour long conversation about everything. Mainly about Neil. We both feel he's desperate for attention and how we both are tired of holding his hand. He needs to grow up and realize no one can change things but him.

As the conversation continued we talked about all our old time friends and how we feel they aren't our friends. We hang out with them but we feel there was no real depth to the friendships. We both felt like we couldn't be ourselves around them and how we loved our other friends but yearn for something more. We are stuck in a rut not meeting new people but are longing for true friendships. We realized that she and I were the only ones who were truly supportive and actually cared. It was a sad fact but felt good to hear so that all these thoughts in my head are real and other people feel and think them.

It was the most reassuring conversation I've had in a while. I'm glad to know I'm not crazy when it comes to these topics. It was a good motivation for me to pursue European grad school. I need to shake up my life. Yes I'll be somewhat like 'Neil' although I can take social ques he can't.

I'd love to say the real reason I'm going to grad school is to further my education. That's part of it...a small part. The real reason is I'm looking for friends. I'm hoping I'll meet new people who are genuine and are actually worthwhile. The Irish accents won't hurt but I'm kinda hoping I'll get something like this

Someone when I'm drunk out of my mind they are just as bad and yet we still help each other stagger through the pub and make our way home. Drink shit loads of beer, eat pizza, and talk shit. The typical bromance.  Like I said an Irish accent wouldn't hurt. I'm not looking for perfect. There's no such thing. I'm looking for people who like to have a good time and are genuine. That's it. But in all reality if I'm spending all that money on school I should actually...try my best in school. Damn it my tea  has gone cold. Literally. And on that note I'm done.

(is anyone else as disappointed with the lack of good photos recently as I am?)