Me: so i have a question for you
Mike: what is it
Me:the last time we talked you said you were scared to meet me, what did you mean by that
Mike: if i remember correctly
im pretty sure at that point in my life
i realized i should stay single
or date someone wildly fucked up
youre far too good for me
by miles and miles
and im not afraid of you, im afraid of myself
i dont trust myself for a second
Me: I wish you had just told me that then because I felt like everything I did was completly wrong and fucked up
and I felt horrible that you were going through that shit especially with your sister and you wanted nothing to do with me
Mike: if it makes you feel any better it took me awhile to be able to say that even aloud when i was alone in a room, let alone to tell that to another human being, especially one who was going to be effected by it
see that is what im talking about
Me: no I get it
Mike: i know i can make ppl feel like shit even unintentionally
and thats not something anyone deserves
Me: well it was my fault
Mike: no it wasnt
Me: I got too attached
Mike: thats not a bad thing
Me: I learned from it
Mike: its a bad thing to get attached to someone like me
but not in general
Me: I dunno it just fucked with my head
especially since you were the first guy I was really into I thought i just was horrible at dating/talking and all that
i'm not trying to make you feel bad so please dont
i needed to learn and it helped
Mike: well i knew that about you
i feel bad
of course i do
Me: dont please
Mike: no its fine
Me: no becaues now i'm afraid you're not going to talk to me anymore
Mike: hahaa why would i not talk to you because of something i myself control?
Me: I don't know
the whole situation was weird and I had no clue how to handle it I still am like ugh what is going on
i was shocked as shit that you messaged me
Mike: i may be emotionally incapable of being with another human being romantically but im not incapable of controlling myself
Me: i don't think you are in capable
Mike: you also do not know me
not the way i know myself
and you saying that is just more proof that i would be absolutely terrible for you
and id hurt you badly
probably without even trying
Me: what has you so convinced that you can't be in a relationship
Mike: idk if its something i can explain
Me: i think one day you will find someone you love enough and you'll get married
Mike: its just something about myself that i know
at least at this point in my life
im sure i will
see that's just it
and im sure it will be a disaster
Me: you change your mind a ton
Mike: no, i usually am just not very honest with myself
about what?
Mike: how i feel, what is really going on in my head, what reality is
what i am capable of
Me: I don't think you give yourself enough credit
Mike: maybe
but i dont think so
Me: I think you're stubborn and stuck inside your head
Mike: and ive known myself for a long time
i know how it would go
Me: I just don't want to see you regret this years down the line (not me just in general)
Mike if no one else gets hurt, i wont reger it
Me: it's life people get hurt everyday
you know that you get hit by cars
Mike: hahaha
see here is what i know
Me:and how do you think you'll hurt someone
ok
Mike: i know there is something about me that makes ppl become very attached
i mean i know im a good person
Me: well you're pretty awesome
Mike: dont speakkkk
shhhhh
quiet
me: EFFFF UUUU
Mike: see kay
anyway
i know there is that something about me, whatever it is. and i know this lends itself to love. and a pretty intense love.
i also know that for whatever fucked up reason, once i know that a person has gotten to that point, and everything is easy and predictable, a part of me closes off
i have no control over it
and even though i will try to stay
they know im not there anymore
and it will end up breaking their heart
and i have no intention of allowing myself to put myself in that position, or putting someone else in a position wherein i know eventually i will hurt them
i cant have that on my conscience anymore
ive already hurt enough ppl
its not fair
Text portion:
Mike: i shall bite u.
Me: I'll smack u then what?
Mike: idk im out of options
Me: Lame ur bad at this
Mike: At biting? i'm exceptional. id probs slap u back tho cause i enjoy that
Me: I know you do. Id bite u the fuck back
Mike: Perfect.
Me:Game on
Mike: I'm not even kidding
Me: Its funny cause itll never happen
Mike: exactly lol
Me: Ur just a pussy and know i'll fuck you up
Mike: We can go with that :)
Me: Right...but seriously r we ever gonna hang out in person or is that off the table?
Mike: Nah we can. Now that ive told u what i should have realized awhile ago
Me: Yeah way to be 8 months late
Mike: yeah i wish I had known before
Me: Eh well at least you messaged me cause I sure wouldn't have done it
Mike: Why?
Me: Because I was pissed at u that u wouldn't answer me why u were scared. And i didn't want to open that can of worms months later. So i wrote u off
Mike: Good reason. Perfect reason actually.
Me: Hence why i removed you from FB
Mike: Makes sense
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Shit I forgot in my last post.
2 entries ago I talked about a guy who looked like Sloth from the Goonies. Well shortly after realizing that he wasn't from a different country (err sort of), he's from Georgia, I decided he was a bit uneducated for my liking. But isn't there some quote about being stubborn or persistent gets what they want? Because he keeps trying...my inbox like a day after that convo
*I just got my paint program...GAME ON!*
The May 25th one just makes me sad. You are really going to try after I ignored your 3 other messages? The messages themselves were quality:
There were 2 more but I'm tired of trying to edit them. At this rate I will never finish this entry. A guy just started talking to me. Not sure how I feel about that right now.
Back to the point the shit I forgot.
The first was while we were dancing at the bar on Saturday this guy was with this group of girls and he was wearing a hat. And he turned around and looked exactly like Mike. My heart did that pang thing. Where it hurts and goes hollow for just a split second then the feeling fades from top to bottom of it. I literally had to just shake my head and keep from mentally exploding or breaking or something. I was like holy shit what is he doing here. Then I realized that it's not him. I don't know which would've been better if it was him, or the reality that it wasn't. The rest of the night I kept doing double glances just to make sure it wasn't him. Nerdy I know. But I had to.
When I was in bed that night I had a lot of 'what if' questions. What if it was Mike? What would I say? Oh Hi Mike. Nice to finally meet you in person. Thanks for blowing me off and getting my hopes up? Oh hey I still think about you all the time? I still have strong feelings for you? The whole thing just mentally raped my emotions. I say I am over him till I think about him. Bleh. I fucking hate it. I just need to remember that he was wrong for me. Lesson learned. (Fuck the break up CD I'm currently making playing in the background making me feel worse right now haha)
Lighter topic. I GOT A SHANE FILAN MATCH! I haven't played on myheritage for a long time. But I did and I got Shane as a match. Then I also got a few where I had Marky. No shocker there.
Next today I read the entire book 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I read it in high school and loved it. Now rereading it I loved it even more. It's funny how a book feels like an old friend. You know the stories but it still feels close to your heart. Although this time I will say that it hits close to home. Not all of it obviously because there are some serious issues in it that I don't have. It's little things I identify with like his style of writing. Charlie (the narrator) writes like he talks...seem familiar? The way he knows certain moments he'll never forget and when he's in them he tries to capture every ounce of it. I try to be like that but it's hard. He's also incredibly nostalgic and emotional. Two things I identify with a ton. I always felt like I was too emotional for my own good.
What struck me as odd is that normally when I read I never really picture the people. When I think of scenes I imagine there's stuff going on but never like bodies. The only time I do is if there is a movie. Like the Harry Potter series I could imagine a lot of it easier because there were human shapes to fill my head. Well for Perks of Being a Wallflower I really never tried to picture Charlie or his friends. However I have no idea why or the reason but I pictured Patrick to be very similar to Brian McFadden.
The only thing I could think of is that they are goofballs but really genuine people. That's about it. Or the fact he got drunk and dropped his trousers to fart in the face of Ireland and that seems like something Patrick would do. But none the less this was my mental image.
*I just got my paint program...GAME ON!*
The May 25th one just makes me sad. You are really going to try after I ignored your 3 other messages? The messages themselves were quality:
There were 2 more but I'm tired of trying to edit them. At this rate I will never finish this entry. A guy just started talking to me. Not sure how I feel about that right now.
Back to the point the shit I forgot.
The first was while we were dancing at the bar on Saturday this guy was with this group of girls and he was wearing a hat. And he turned around and looked exactly like Mike. My heart did that pang thing. Where it hurts and goes hollow for just a split second then the feeling fades from top to bottom of it. I literally had to just shake my head and keep from mentally exploding or breaking or something. I was like holy shit what is he doing here. Then I realized that it's not him. I don't know which would've been better if it was him, or the reality that it wasn't. The rest of the night I kept doing double glances just to make sure it wasn't him. Nerdy I know. But I had to.
When I was in bed that night I had a lot of 'what if' questions. What if it was Mike? What would I say? Oh Hi Mike. Nice to finally meet you in person. Thanks for blowing me off and getting my hopes up? Oh hey I still think about you all the time? I still have strong feelings for you? The whole thing just mentally raped my emotions. I say I am over him till I think about him. Bleh. I fucking hate it. I just need to remember that he was wrong for me. Lesson learned. (Fuck the break up CD I'm currently making playing in the background making me feel worse right now haha)
Lighter topic. I GOT A SHANE FILAN MATCH! I haven't played on myheritage for a long time. But I did and I got Shane as a match. Then I also got a few where I had Marky. No shocker there.
Next today I read the entire book 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I read it in high school and loved it. Now rereading it I loved it even more. It's funny how a book feels like an old friend. You know the stories but it still feels close to your heart. Although this time I will say that it hits close to home. Not all of it obviously because there are some serious issues in it that I don't have. It's little things I identify with like his style of writing. Charlie (the narrator) writes like he talks...seem familiar? The way he knows certain moments he'll never forget and when he's in them he tries to capture every ounce of it. I try to be like that but it's hard. He's also incredibly nostalgic and emotional. Two things I identify with a ton. I always felt like I was too emotional for my own good.
What struck me as odd is that normally when I read I never really picture the people. When I think of scenes I imagine there's stuff going on but never like bodies. The only time I do is if there is a movie. Like the Harry Potter series I could imagine a lot of it easier because there were human shapes to fill my head. Well for Perks of Being a Wallflower I really never tried to picture Charlie or his friends. However I have no idea why or the reason but I pictured Patrick to be very similar to Brian McFadden.
The only thing I could think of is that they are goofballs but really genuine people. That's about it. Or the fact he got drunk and dropped his trousers to fart in the face of Ireland and that seems like something Patrick would do. But none the less this was my mental image.
(taken from http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/soundz-like-a-hit-20100422-tfvz.html)
(taken from http://news.superiorpics.com/2007/03/27/McFADDEN_DECLARES_KATONA_WEDDING_A_DISASTER.html)
*Note the article from the last picture is actually kinda funny. Well not funny as in haha but funny as in he's grown up enough now to see the mistake.
Last thought of the night. Shit that bugs me: Myself. I hate that I'm a coward. I think I've honestly only said out-loud that I'm gay maybe 3 times. I literally can't wrap my head around that phrase. I think it's because I'm still not really comfortable with it. I guess years of being mocked for it have instilled a fear which is reasonable. But I need to try to put those childhood and awkward high school years aside. Apparently I'm attractive enough if guys want to use me for sex I just need to find a guy to use me for my love. I really wish I felt as confident as I wish I did.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
I think I know where this is going....
18+ entry. Like always.
Ugh where to start this entry. There are two main points that I want to talk about today.
1. The shitty birthday party I went to this weekend.
2. The boy who wants to get into my pants
We'll start with number 1 just because that's logical. Unless we wanted to do Doctor Who Timelordian way then we'd start with two, do the middle section of 1, then tell a third story that influenced the first part of number one and wrapped up number one perfectly, would make sense, and be amazing. I'm not that talented. So we are keeping this simple.
Ugh where to start this entry. There are two main points that I want to talk about today.
1. The shitty birthday party I went to this weekend.
2. The boy who wants to get into my pants
We'll start with number 1 just because that's logical. Unless we wanted to do Doctor Who Timelordian way then we'd start with two, do the middle section of 1, then tell a third story that influenced the first part of number one and wrapped up number one perfectly, would make sense, and be amazing. I'm not that talented. So we are keeping this simple.
R. B. Mycoal
Staring in:
The Birthday Party From Hell
The title might be a bit exaggerated but it felt that bad. First thing first: I did not want to go to this party. I didn't want to make a big deal over Neil's bday. He claims he's my best friend but as you know I don't feel the same. The party was downstate and I had never been there and had 0 clue how to get there. This being the case I offered to drive Neil so I had him to direct me to the place. We go to see the movie Bridesmaids which was fine. Then we go to a Mexican restaurant. Dinner actually was pretty good although it was so loud it made conversation pretty difficult. Neil sat there talking to Jodi for about the whole time. Shocker. We know.
At this point in time there were 5 of us at dinner but once that concluded two of our adventurers had to depart. One had a long treck back to Jersey the other had homework. So it was now down to Jodi and I to make Neil's bday party a success for the rest of the night. Difficult feat for a guy who is fucking miserable.
*Side story* One of our friend's declined for the whole days activities because she had a lunch to go to. LOL I love when lunch plans ruin my bar trips at 10 at night. The truth behind it is that she doesn't like Neil. Neil made her uncomfortable by not taking the hint she was seeing someone else and not interested. Plus throw in some Facebook stalking and you have the normal recipe for the awkward life that is Neil. Who recently asked me if there is something wrong with him. I didn't have the heart to tell him yes. So I sugar coated it down to a you just make mistakes and that's ok you're human love favors the lucky. *back to our program*
From dinner we decide we are going to hang out on main street. Jodi invited her brother and his friends however they were predisposed when she called. There was talk of them meeting us later in the night. That never happened. The geniuses that they were went to the wrong bar. But at the time we decided to kill some time chilling at the local pizza place where all the college kids dwell. Jodi decides to have a drink, I declined because I was driving and wanted to drink later in the night, Neil doesn't have a drink either- the reason: because he didn't want one. His bday party yet he isn't drinking even though I'm playing DD. Conversation starts and it's funny because its bad mouthing someone who I used to fancy but no longer do. Then Neil decides to start discussing how there are no Catholic rituals that take base in the bible, to which Jodi starts to defend seeing as she's Catholic.
*hits button*
(taken from http://www.iconarchive.com/show/button-icons-by-deleket/Button-Fast-Forward-icon.html)
*and stop*
Half hour later they are still talking about that damn topic. Here is an artist interpretation of how I looked at that point.
(taken from http://www.sodahead.com/entertainment/what-would-the-world-be-like-without-music/question-1710161/?link=ibaf&imgurl=http://www.misterhobbes.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/stewie_gun_mouth_super_commit_sucide.jpg&q=gun%2Bin%2Bmouth)
It was so incredibly boring. Then like a Godsend I hear a familiar song. Tik Tok starts playing. I immediately smile and have like an epic montage in my head. It looked like this:
http://youtu.be/lAqrz5BCZ6k
I tried to put the video in but stupid blogger is ridiculously horrible. But I had that montage in my head of epic Doctor Who-ness and it made it better. So once Tik Tok stopped playing we decided that more people need to drink aka me. So I said I'll drink if we can dance. That made us move upstairs to the bar with the better dance floor. When we got there it was still somewhat early so not too many people were dancing. We told Neil we want to do birthday shots to celebrate he says no. He won't drink anything. He was just standing there at a bar on the dance floor watching the TV's. Jodi and I decide well if he won't drink we will. She and I go and grab drinks and start dancing. The whole night Neil didn't dance once. Jodi grabbed him and tried to move him but he was being so lame,w ouldn't drink wouldn't dance and wasn't even trying to be any fun or have any sign of a personality. PRO-TIP THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SINGLE!! But Jodi and I tried to make the best of it. It was a great night in that I saw a ton of people I know and got to see my lil cousin who is oh so amazing.
On to the next topic!!
Let me first explain the back story. This guy who we shall name 'Abe' contacted me on the site. He was nice to talk to. We texted back and forth. After like 2 days he wanted to be Facebook friends but I said no after our first date. This keeps down my friend counts and prevents them from saying dumb shit on there. He seemed like a genuine guy but he was slightly boring. He never really asked too much about me.
The night of hte 30stm we were texting a fair amount and at like 12:30 on the way home he wanted to drive an hour to come see me. Keep in mind we have never met at that point but he wants to see me. He had been drinking. He also was saying shit like 'You're so cute' 'I'm going to cuddle the shit out of you' Normally I don't mind that but A. he kept giving me physical compliments instead of trying to get to know me and B you don't say I'm going to cuddle the shit out of you after a week of talking and never having met. It was out of place and out of line. So after he asked me no lie 4 times to hang out with him at like 2 in the morning and ditch Neil I was like look dude it's not going to happen. He couldn't take the hint. Looking back that scenario makes so much sense.
A few days later we were texting he kept asking to hang out but his time table made it incredibly awkward to meet anywhere in public. I thought he got mad at me and we didn't talk for like 2 weeks?...until tonight. Here is the conversation and I hope you all read it the way I do because it makes me feel like he only wants me for sex. Like the other time at 2 in the morning he prolly just wanted to do stuff. Now that I think about it I think he made reference to him making out with me that night...
Note the ratio of his questions to mine. Also note what he asks me.
Abe: hey
hey stranger
Abe: how are you?
I can't complain how about you?
Abe: same
Abe: just been busy
work or other stuff?
Abe: both
haha do tell
Abe: well i got a job
Abe: have to finish my internship
i thought you had one working with the childrenz
ahhh
that's right
sorry i'm a bit slow
so what is your job?
Abe: at a nursing home outside *city*
doing what?
Abe: ill be a *nouns* coordinator
that sounds intense
do you like it so far or still nervous cause you're new?
Abe: i dont start until the end of june
you excited?
Abe: yup
so what else besides the job anything fun?
Abe: nope
Abe: you?
my friends have like popped out of the woodwork
they've been keeping me incredibly busy
although the one friend was a complete twat at his bday party
*brief anecdote he makes one comment which was haha*
when do you finish your internship
Abe: june 2*th
so you're not taking any time btwn jobs
Abe: nope
that sucks
you need to live a little
Abe: oh i will
really?
*talk of hours*
so nice pay increase i presume
Abe: yup
gonna order a mail order bride?
Abe: probably
Abe: but more like male order bride
right right
russian?
Abe: ooh yeah
that's sexy
Abe: with a big dick
only the best
what's he gonna look like?
Abe: tall hunky tight ass
sounds good
but you can't afford me
Abe: lol
you had to see that coming
Abe: once you experience my ass-eating skills you might reconsider I apologize. I was just as grossed out as you when I read that. I should have prepared you but you don't deserve a warning if I didn't get one.
oh now i can't wait to snog you Nothing says that's so hot like ass eating. Vom.
Abe: snog?
make out
Abe: lol
so do you eat a lot of ass that you pride those skills?
Abe: lol
and yet you didn't answer
slut
Abe: hey!
i kid i kid
or do i?
Abe: you better be bitch
*lull in convo*
tell me a story
Abe: im rubbing my cock lol
so it's a short story
gotcha
Abe: yup
Abe: you horny? At that point it clicked with me. He has asked me that every time I've talked to him. He also tells me when he jerks it and is talking to me.
lol why do I think I know where this is going
Abe: lol
was that your subtle way of asking me to cyber?
Abe: no Yes
Abe: you masturbating?
no not yet I'm a little busy talking to people, listening to britney spears, and playing WoW. Not to mention you have turned me off.
Abe: you horny?
we're guys aren't we always? I had no idea what else to say. I thought I evaded it the first time.
Abe: lol
Abe: you top or bottom? This question is awkward considering we haven't been on a date. I'm not sexually attracted to him. I'm a virgin. But at the end of all that there is one blessing. If you guess what the other guy is and say it, you can't break it off. You can't have a relationships with two bottoms it just doesn't work so I had a 50/50 shot.
top
you? Please say top...
Abe: bttm vers Damn it!
Abe: 8c <~~~ wtf is that a smilie?
?
Abe: i am
?
Abe: what
8c?
Abe: 8 inches cut
oh gotcha
are you on manhunt? I asked that because it's a hook up site. If he's on there he only really wants one thing. I know of this site because Mike said that he was on that and another site.
Abe: no
Abe: i mean i have a profile but i dont use it So technically you are on manhunt...
gotcha
Abe: i use a4a That's short for Adam for Adam. The other site Mike was on...
never been on there is that's a hook up site right?
Abe: yup
you pull a lot of guys on there?
Abe: nope
Abe: ok bed time
congrats on the new job
have a good night
Abe: thanks
Abe: chat soon? It's funny because usually a chat isn't one side trying to get to know the other person while the other only talks about jerking off and ass eating.
yeah definitly
*insert an E in there
Abe: lol
Now I know gay men think about sex a lot but I feel like he only wants me for sex or some other form of physical contact. Like Mike as much as he was a slut and would admit it, I never in a million years felt like he was using me like that. He genuinely was interested in me as a person and was comfortable talking about that stuff with him. It wasn't one sided and out of no where. Am I being hyper sensitive? Should I be flattered that someone is obviously interested in me. Or is my freaked out attitude warranted? I feel used and I don't know if that's the right feeling for this situation but it's what I got.
Gratuitous picture to make me smile:
Thank you Kristin Chenoweth. She's so happy.
I tried to put the video in but stupid blogger is ridiculously horrible. But I had that montage in my head of epic Doctor Who-ness and it made it better. So once Tik Tok stopped playing we decided that more people need to drink aka me. So I said I'll drink if we can dance. That made us move upstairs to the bar with the better dance floor. When we got there it was still somewhat early so not too many people were dancing. We told Neil we want to do birthday shots to celebrate he says no. He won't drink anything. He was just standing there at a bar on the dance floor watching the TV's. Jodi and I decide well if he won't drink we will. She and I go and grab drinks and start dancing. The whole night Neil didn't dance once. Jodi grabbed him and tried to move him but he was being so lame,w ouldn't drink wouldn't dance and wasn't even trying to be any fun or have any sign of a personality. PRO-TIP THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SINGLE!! But Jodi and I tried to make the best of it. It was a great night in that I saw a ton of people I know and got to see my lil cousin who is oh so amazing.
On to the next topic!!
Let me first explain the back story. This guy who we shall name 'Abe' contacted me on the site. He was nice to talk to. We texted back and forth. After like 2 days he wanted to be Facebook friends but I said no after our first date. This keeps down my friend counts and prevents them from saying dumb shit on there. He seemed like a genuine guy but he was slightly boring. He never really asked too much about me.
The night of hte 30stm we were texting a fair amount and at like 12:30 on the way home he wanted to drive an hour to come see me. Keep in mind we have never met at that point but he wants to see me. He had been drinking. He also was saying shit like 'You're so cute' 'I'm going to cuddle the shit out of you' Normally I don't mind that but A. he kept giving me physical compliments instead of trying to get to know me and B you don't say I'm going to cuddle the shit out of you after a week of talking and never having met. It was out of place and out of line. So after he asked me no lie 4 times to hang out with him at like 2 in the morning and ditch Neil I was like look dude it's not going to happen. He couldn't take the hint. Looking back that scenario makes so much sense.
A few days later we were texting he kept asking to hang out but his time table made it incredibly awkward to meet anywhere in public. I thought he got mad at me and we didn't talk for like 2 weeks?...until tonight. Here is the conversation and I hope you all read it the way I do because it makes me feel like he only wants me for sex. Like the other time at 2 in the morning he prolly just wanted to do stuff. Now that I think about it I think he made reference to him making out with me that night...
Note the ratio of his questions to mine. Also note what he asks me.
Abe: hey
hey stranger
Abe: how are you?
I can't complain how about you?
Abe: same
Abe: just been busy
work or other stuff?
Abe: both
haha do tell
Abe: well i got a job
Abe: have to finish my internship
i thought you had one working with the childrenz
ahhh
that's right
sorry i'm a bit slow
so what is your job?
Abe: at a nursing home outside *city*
doing what?
Abe: ill be a *nouns* coordinator
that sounds intense
do you like it so far or still nervous cause you're new?
Abe: i dont start until the end of june
you excited?
Abe: yup
so what else besides the job anything fun?
Abe: nope
Abe: you?
my friends have like popped out of the woodwork
they've been keeping me incredibly busy
although the one friend was a complete twat at his bday party
*brief anecdote he makes one comment which was haha*
when do you finish your internship
Abe: june 2*th
so you're not taking any time btwn jobs
Abe: nope
that sucks
you need to live a little
Abe: oh i will
really?
*talk of hours*
so nice pay increase i presume
Abe: yup
gonna order a mail order bride?
Abe: probably
Abe: but more like male order bride
right right
russian?
Abe: ooh yeah
that's sexy
Abe: with a big dick
only the best
what's he gonna look like?
Abe: tall hunky tight ass
sounds good
but you can't afford me
Abe: lol
you had to see that coming
Abe: once you experience my ass-eating skills you might reconsider I apologize. I was just as grossed out as you when I read that. I should have prepared you but you don't deserve a warning if I didn't get one.
oh now i can't wait to snog you Nothing says that's so hot like ass eating. Vom.
Abe: snog?
make out
Abe: lol
so do you eat a lot of ass that you pride those skills?
Abe: lol
and yet you didn't answer
slut
Abe: hey!
i kid i kid
or do i?
Abe: you better be bitch
*lull in convo*
tell me a story
Abe: im rubbing my cock lol
so it's a short story
gotcha
Abe: yup
Abe: you horny? At that point it clicked with me. He has asked me that every time I've talked to him. He also tells me when he jerks it and is talking to me.
lol why do I think I know where this is going
Abe: lol
was that your subtle way of asking me to cyber?
Abe: no Yes
Abe: you masturbating?
no not yet I'm a little busy talking to people, listening to britney spears, and playing WoW. Not to mention you have turned me off.
Abe: you horny?
we're guys aren't we always? I had no idea what else to say. I thought I evaded it the first time.
Abe: lol
Abe: you top or bottom? This question is awkward considering we haven't been on a date. I'm not sexually attracted to him. I'm a virgin. But at the end of all that there is one blessing. If you guess what the other guy is and say it, you can't break it off. You can't have a relationships with two bottoms it just doesn't work so I had a 50/50 shot.
top
you? Please say top...
Abe: bttm vers Damn it!
Abe: 8c <~~~ wtf is that a smilie?
?
Abe: i am
?
Abe: what
8c?
Abe: 8 inches cut
oh gotcha
are you on manhunt? I asked that because it's a hook up site. If he's on there he only really wants one thing. I know of this site because Mike said that he was on that and another site.
Abe: no
Abe: i mean i have a profile but i dont use it So technically you are on manhunt...
gotcha
Abe: i use a4a That's short for Adam for Adam. The other site Mike was on...
never been on there is that's a hook up site right?
Abe: yup
you pull a lot of guys on there?
Abe: nope
Abe: ok bed time
congrats on the new job
have a good night
Abe: thanks
Abe: chat soon? It's funny because usually a chat isn't one side trying to get to know the other person while the other only talks about jerking off and ass eating.
yeah definitly
*insert an E in there
Abe: lol
Now I know gay men think about sex a lot but I feel like he only wants me for sex or some other form of physical contact. Like Mike as much as he was a slut and would admit it, I never in a million years felt like he was using me like that. He genuinely was interested in me as a person and was comfortable talking about that stuff with him. It wasn't one sided and out of no where. Am I being hyper sensitive? Should I be flattered that someone is obviously interested in me. Or is my freaked out attitude warranted? I feel used and I don't know if that's the right feeling for this situation but it's what I got.
Gratuitous picture to make me smile:
Thank you Kristin Chenoweth. She's so happy.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Pooky? Really?
I'm not sure if it was the last entry or the entry before that but I introduced you all to a guy named Troy. As I said then and I will reaffirm that I am not interested in this bloke. I never have been. I've done everything but say stop talking to me for him to take the hint. Well let's just say hint not taken...
No not blocked. I just haven't logged on because there is no one on worth talking to. So what do I do? I log on. Mainly because I love having stuff to talk about in here. And here's how that convo went.
Troy: Hi pooky
pooky really?
do you think you're idina menzel?
Troy: yah that's your nickname
Troy: pooky is garfield's cute teddy bear
Troy: I love Idina Menzel
Troy:that'd be fine with me
Troy: just you and IIIIIIIIIIIIII defyyyyyyyyying graaaaaaavity *think that shit don't say it*
Troy: you totally had me blocked, don't lie
Troy: you didn't show up online for like a month and now you show up again
I didn't block you
i just wasn't online
Troy: well nice to see you again
Troy: how's life
crazy as ever how about you
Troy: same.........work is insane
Troy: what does idina menzel have to do with pooky?
take me baby or leave me
Troy: =)
Troy: your new pic is hot
Troy: as were your old ones
thanks
so what have you been upto
Troy: just work really Cause you're fucking boring
that's exciting
Troy: very.......blah
Troy: today I'd have given ANYTHING for a split second of not being inerrupted or having to multi-task
Troy: I stayed an hour late just to have peace for an hour
so you can't multi task
Troy: well
Troy:it's not my strong-point
what is your strong point? Because after talking to you this many times I'm not finding any.
Troy: my cock
Troy: I'm caring and laidback
you define who you are by your cock I've never seen it but I can assure you his cock does not look like that. That one is cute and has a personality.
hmm...
Troy: lol
Troy: just messing with you
oh good
i can only imagine if you weren't
Troy: haha
Troy: I love your humor
Troy: can we make out now? Really? I won't give you my phone number or add you on facebook and you want to snog?
no sorry
Troy: =(
Troy: gonna watch some tv
Troy: nice to talk again.........catch you later
If I didn't half this half assed blog I would not be talking to him at all and he would be on block. Continuing the stupid boys I've met...
So that is automated. Which I hate. Why would you wink at me. If you want to talk say 'hey what's going on' So I look at the picture of the guy and his ears are a bit weird. Very similiar to this guy's ears
Yes that is sloth from the goonies. Anyway so I clicked his profile to find this:
So I decided to be a smart ass to the wink
But he turned out to be nice. I'm going to go with English isn't his native language? Oh well. I wish there was some guy who was remotely cute and actually had a personality to talk to these days. I'm starting to lose hope again.
Oh so I forgot to type out the long night that was the 30 Seconds to Mars concert. This is the abridged version
1. It was theme night. My friend Chris knew for 2 weeks and didn't tell me. Luckily I found out so we could get dressed up in neon rave stuff. This is what 30stm wore that night
2.5 I recorded Attack on my camera
2.75 Jared literally climbs on the gate like 8 feet in front of me and sings about 4 minutes of the kill like right near me. Fricking amazing.
3. Jared kept telling people to take 3 steps forward so this bitch literally gets in a position like this
Troy: Hi pooky
pooky really?
do you think you're idina menzel?
Troy: yah that's your nickname
Troy: pooky is garfield's cute teddy bear
Troy: I love Idina Menzel
Troy:that'd be fine with me
Troy: just you and IIIIIIIIIIIIII defyyyyyyyyying graaaaaaavity *think that shit don't say it*
Troy: you totally had me blocked, don't lie
Troy: you didn't show up online for like a month and now you show up again
I didn't block you
i just wasn't online
Troy: well nice to see you again
Troy: how's life
crazy as ever how about you
Troy: same.........work is insane
Troy: what does idina menzel have to do with pooky?
take me baby or leave me
Troy: =)
Troy: your new pic is hot
Troy: as were your old ones
thanks
so what have you been upto
Troy: just work really Cause you're fucking boring
that's exciting
Troy: very.......blah
Troy: today I'd have given ANYTHING for a split second of not being inerrupted or having to multi-task
Troy: I stayed an hour late just to have peace for an hour
so you can't multi task
Troy: well
Troy:it's not my strong-point
what is your strong point? Because after talking to you this many times I'm not finding any.
Troy: my cock
(taken from http://www.viethoroscope.com/vietnamese-zodiac-signs/vietnamese-year-of-the-rooster/)
Troy: I dunnoTroy: I'm caring and laidback
you define who you are by your cock I've never seen it but I can assure you his cock does not look like that. That one is cute and has a personality.
hmm...
Troy: lol
Troy: just messing with you
oh good
i can only imagine if you weren't
Troy: haha
Troy: I love your humor
Troy: can we make out now? Really? I won't give you my phone number or add you on facebook and you want to snog?
no sorry
Troy: =(
Troy: gonna watch some tv
Troy: nice to talk again.........catch you later
If I didn't half this half assed blog I would not be talking to him at all and he would be on block. Continuing the stupid boys I've met...
So that is automated. Which I hate. Why would you wink at me. If you want to talk say 'hey what's going on' So I look at the picture of the guy and his ears are a bit weird. Very similiar to this guy's ears
(taken from http://gordonandthewhale.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/sloth.jpeg)
Yes that is sloth from the goonies. Anyway so I clicked his profile to find this:
But he turned out to be nice. I'm going to go with English isn't his native language? Oh well. I wish there was some guy who was remotely cute and actually had a personality to talk to these days. I'm starting to lose hope again.
Oh so I forgot to type out the long night that was the 30 Seconds to Mars concert. This is the abridged version
1. It was theme night. My friend Chris knew for 2 weeks and didn't tell me. Luckily I found out so we could get dressed up in neon rave stuff. This is what 30stm wore that night
(taken from http://www.thedailybeast.com/galleries/2874/10/)
2. Jared Leto is fucking crazy. He literally has crazy in his eyes.2.5 I recorded Attack on my camera
2.75 Jared literally climbs on the gate like 8 feet in front of me and sings about 4 minutes of the kill like right near me. Fricking amazing.
3. Jared kept telling people to take 3 steps forward so this bitch literally gets in a position like this
(taken from http://www.lollylegs.com/training/Starting.aspx)
And fucking charges through people to get closer to the stage. The bitch ended up in front of me. Nothing pisses me off then people who aren't standing there the whole time. You did not earn that spot. So like any responsible adult I crushed the fuck out of her and pushed her for a good 10 minutes. Till she asked me what the fuck my problem was. To which I told her it was her and that she wasn't here since 7. This was at like 10:30 at night I'm sorry after 3 hours of holding my spot some little cunt is not about to take it. So her friend or someone else was like what's the problem why don't you put her on your shoulders and I said that's not going to fucking happen. She soon left afterwards because well she was about to fall because she couldn't keep her balance. It's not my fault people were pushing me in to her.
4. I was angry after that and someone woman was crowd surfing. Again people expectingme to lift and carry them forward. Not happening I let her fall.
5. This other girl who was standing near me the whole show wanted me to have me lift her on my shoulders. I physically couldn't do it. I'm not strong enough. She wasn't fat I just have like 0 muscle. So I told her I had surgery. Later in the night I helped her get on this other guys shoulders and held her up for like 20 minutes and then helped her get down safetly. She thanked me by giving me a kiss. Chris saw this.
6. Last song of the night Jared Leto gets fucking crazy starts pulling people on stage. So now everyone in the pit is pushing their hardest to get closer so they can go on. Chris was next to this guy and girl who were normal colored oompaloompahs. They were that short. Well the guy had the girl on his shoulders like the whole night but then was too tired so Chris helped her up. Well Jared called her onto stage so Chris wades through the crowd with her on his shoulders and literally throws her to the security guard to get on. At that point the douchebag to my immediate left starts a mosh pit. Ignoring the fact there are 3 people on guys shoulders right in the area and they could fall and get hurt (do you like my switch to concern of people falling now) So I leave my area and head to the back of the pit because I didn't want to get crushed. Low and behold Chris throws the other little guy on stage then climbs up himself. So he's on stage and I'm in the back it was slightly unfair but whatever.
7. We get out to the parking lot and I'm like that's cool Jared pulled you on stage 'No he didn't pull me on stage I had to muscle my way. I earned that spot on stage' I'm thinking ok whatever. Then goes you know that girl I was talking to well after the show ended she just came up to me and jumped in my arms and gave me a big hug. I personally didn't see this happen. Then he continues yeah she was pretty cute I should've gotten her number. Well you were near her for 3 hours, she had a date, now suddenly she's on you and you want her number. That's funny how I got a kiss and now you're interested in someone who gave you a hug. (Since that night he has found no lie 4 other girls that he is interested in)
8. He decides the night was awesome and we need photos. So he takes my camera and snaps a photo of me and then drops my camera and breaks it. He says he's sorry but does not offer once to pay for repairs or a new one. I'm devastated. My cameras = my children. I'm still very bitter about it but I can't really think about it or I'll cut someone.
All and all it was an amazing show and I'd love to do it again. However in December the band is breaking up. So I am lucky I got to see them live and get to participate in the mosh pit chorus of Attack. Something I've wanted to do since like 2007.
NEW TOPIC W.O.W. LIFE
So this weekend I finally caved in. After weeks of not really having fun in my raids and really just not having fun I switched. Kian my gnome is no longer a gnome. He has grown up and gotten blue skin. He's now Shnicky the mage. So Sunday night after a 'fun raid' (not that it's fun but it's old content which is more fun than progression and hard work fights) I realized my time was up. I'm sick of feeling like it's a job and not a game. Well I was going to talk to my friend, we'll call her Bee, about my transfer. I started to talk but she logged off really fast because she felt sick. Bee and I have been close for probably about 6 months we talk all the time and do just about everything together when we can. The only problem is she's a bit of a cry baby and a drama queen. So my friend Stacy who I love and adore and I met 2 years ago on wow, we are facebook friends, and just all around good friends that click. She used to be our guild but left due to drama between some people and her husband. She made a character just to talk to some of her old friends and hang out. Well I said 'Yay my bff is back' well Bee took the huff. A day after her not talking to me she goes you know what you said really hurt me. It made me cry. She's 29 fucking years old and saying that to me when she knows Stacy and I talk everyday and are facebook friends and all that. Then I tell her about me switching to the Horde side and joining Stacy's guild. She's like I wish you the best I should've known you'd go to play with her. Regardless of the fact Stacy left in January and it's now May. So it's been a few days since my transfer and I wanted to talk to Bee just to clear the air and salvage our friendship. She's somewhat normal and whatever but she's like 'yeah i'm leaving to a new realm. I hope you do well' and that's it. Normally we talk for like hours and she ends the conversation again like that. She needs to grow the fuck up. Like a year of friendship being thrown away because I'm trying to find some happiness.
Luckily for me I did decide to leave. This week they decided that the 25 man raid groups weren't progressing enough so they were breaking down into 2 10 man teams. One that would focus on gear and one would focus on hardmodes. Well I'm fully geared. And I'm not really a favorite. So the guild has 5 officers each of them would get in the h mode groups then that leaves 5 spots for like 15 people to compete for. I'm a mage. I'm one of 4. I'm so replaceable. I'd never see that content. Luckily I did switch. I don't want to have to fight for a spot and I don't want to bang my head against the wall. A couple of my friends already said they want to switch realms or become Horde. I just dont see how you can take a guild meant for 25 constant raiders and have an elite team of 10 and keep morale. There are still people who need normal mode kills let alone heroic. *rolls eyes* And I'm sure I've bored the lot of you with this rant.
CURRENT OBSESSION
Loving season 4. The doctor's companion is Catherine Tate. She's just as funny on Doctor Who as she was on her own show. I highly recommend a watch as always. I need to go to Europe soon. David Tennant aka the 10th doctor is in Much Ado About Nothing with Catherine Tate aka FUCKING AMAZING. I cant think of a better reason to blow thousands of dollars on a week. Well maybe I could think of one or 5...
Lawlz. I apologize to the squeamish readers.
Anyway this is distracting from my Doctor Who watching. I shall return later with news of Chris' bday party...
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Time to get bitchy
Ok first I saw this like two months ago and haven't posted it yet, but it describes me to a T.
Truer words were never spoken. Even though nothing about that describes me in reality....moving on.
So on Yahoo news they were discussing two new eating disorders that are becoming more common. This part of the report made me laugh
My mother would be an adult picky eater. Mainly because she has food allergies and tends to stick to food that doesn't upset her stomach.
Orthorexics is that the new technical term for a vegan?
If this next section of my entry were a Britney Spears song it'd be called Boys. But not the remix obviously because remixes tend to be good and this is just well not.
Pretext to the story: So this guy who we will call Troy. I use this name because he jokingly likes this name better than his real name. He contacted me on that site, he was nothing but nice and wanted to chat on aim. We talk and he has asked me out about 3 times now and I have told him that I'm not really interested because he lives an hour away. Oh I also am incredibly sarcastic to him and I think it's starting to hurt his feelings...and he's incredibly gay. Like I can handle some but I fear he might be deemed flaming if we ever meet. Note as I was re-reading our convo some of it is boring. If you would like to skip this section you will note that the end of it will be marked with a picture of a dog riding a giant ram.
Troy: Hi Mike
Hey Troy
Troy:how was your night?
it was decent until i realize my wii is broken
Troy:sorry to hear that
you did it, didn't you
Troy:hmmmmmmm
Troy:I'll replace it I promise :'-(
nah it's cool
save yer money for a flat
Troy:ouch
what was mean about that?
Troy:oh sorry I took it meanl ol
i said save your money for an apartment
that was mean?
Troy:I dunno
Troy:you could mean it mean
Troy:nevermind
Troy:if you meant nothing by it there's nothing for me to explain
Troy:so ummmmmm
Troy: whatcha doing
sorry was talking to my mom
boring stuff that lead us to this point
where you driving i thought you had nothing till sunday
Troy: well I'd like to plan something
Troy:hang out with a friend or something I think he means me
go call them up
Troy:well so far they're all working
Troy:I'm the only one with a 9-5
what a way to make a living
so what's your dream job
Troy:that's a good question
Troy: something well paying in California
Troy:like Ellen Degeneres' assistant or something
Troy:that'd be pretty sweet
Troy:something in the entertainment industry where I can get tickets to anything I want
Troy:haha
^^ Lots of Ims like that in a row means I was playing warcraft and was not paying attention to him.
usually you have to work during that stuff
Troy:well I didn't think we were being realistic
Troy:haha
ok describe your dream boyfriend I saw his answer coming by the way...
Troy:extremely sarcastic
Troy: *my state* resident
Troy:likes to pick on me
Troy:haha
you must have low self esteem to like mean guys
Troy:where did I say mean to me?
pick on you
Troy:playfully
Troy:(hopefully)
Troy:someone who listens to me. Who can hold a serious conversation. Who will be 100% honest
Troy:someone who is as interested in me as I am them Which is going to be hard because as you read you will soon realize how uninteresting he is...
Troy:one sided is definitely no fun
Troy:of course I suppose I then have to be interesting as well.......so that could propose a challeng
Troy:how about you?
i apologize for being so rude I realized that each attempt on the boss in WoW I was answering every 8 minutes and 35 seconds
and taking my time there was some drama
Troy:it's ok I understand
Troy:I don't think you're rude
I do it's ignorant to not at least say hold on
Troy:it happens to the best of us
so my dream guy
5'9
short blonde hair
ocean blue eyes
irish accent
I have no idea who I could possibly be referring to how about you Kian or Nicky?
Troy:I'm picturing this actor who was in Eat. Pray. Love. briefly
Troy:although I guess he was kinda more aussie than irish
aussie rugby players Mentally I was referring to David Williams as shown below
Troy:oh yum
Troy:would you accept lazy boy next door?
Troy:lol
Troy:who is slightly taller
Troy:irish heritage minus the accent haha
oh sorry forgot
husky irish accent
Troy:huh?
like a husky voice
Troy:oh my
Troy:maybe during role play Was that supposed to excite me? Cause it didn't.
you know it sounds almost strained and heavy but that's their normal raspy voice I am very skeptical that a guy like this exists what do you think?
Nicky is skeptical too...anyway
Troy: interesting
Troy: better keep looking then Trust me I plan on it.
Troy: haha
oh i know where it's at
Troy:http://adorkablegrrl.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/then-we-started-kissing-like-this.jpg
Troy:makes me laugh every time
i see that everyday
Boring guessing game of what I named my hamster. He said cummerbund...just because I'm gay does not mean I'd name my hamster something as equally as gay.
Troy:maybe if I went down clients at work I would have gotten that one
lots of ruskies?
Troy:hmm?
Troy:my exes?or the clients
Troy:nvm
so do you not play sports/activities?
Troy:no
Troy:I go to zumba class on Monday nights
Troy:work out
Troy:been doing that for like 3 or 4 months now
Insert brief delay of him confusing my sarcasm for reality.
Troy:yeah I like it because.........>>I hate to work out........and when I do that I have fun and enjoy it
Troy:I don't feel criticized........and the two instructors are really fun
Troy:it's kinda like...........take a vegetable you hate then fry it and dip it in ranch dressing
Troy:kinda makes the pill easier to swallow
eh not a big fan of deep fried stuff
trying not to get fat
Troy:me neither
how tall are you?
Troy:6'4
and how much do you weigh
Troy:haha love how it's always prefaced by how tall are you
Troy: I haven't weighed myself recently
well 5'4 160 is different than 6'4 160
Troy:but anywhere between 190 and 205
Troy:34 - 36" waist
gotcha
Troy:people typically call me skinny
Troy:except for vain gay guys with 6 pack abs
i just like to compare
i'm 6'4 as well
Troy:nice
Troy:how much do you weigh?
4 pac abs <~~~ complete lie
i'm 170 <~~~ Truth
Troy:cool
Troy:I think it'd be the most amazing thing in the world
Troy:to just once...........go to kiss a guy..........and be face to face
Troy:without having to lean down Was I supposed to be like aww I'm so that guy? Because I'm not.
well as my mother always says, it doesn't matter when you're laying down
Troy:lmao
Troy:I knew that was coming
Troy:but still
Troy:I'd so love to meet someone my height
Here is the point where by posting this I'm probably violating a lot of trust and privacy issues but that's why I use fake names to protect the innocent parties.
so how many boyfriends have you had?
Troy:I'll say two
Troy:nothing else has made it to that status
could people not see the 3rd? I think his last boyfriend was
Troy:haha yeah he was imaginary
did that enhance the sex life?
Troy:yes unfortunately
Troy:well there's nothing unfortunate about enhanced sex life
Troy:so scratch that
Idle chat that led to a joke that started a sex talk...
Troy:and I even considered bringing your mom into it
go for it
Troy:naaaaaaaaah I won't stoop to your level
please do i love the company
Troy:only if when I stoop down it's accompanied by a ::zip flop:: sound At that point I had rolled my eyes for the 357 time that night
you need to get laid me thinks
Troy:I do
Troy:I won't lie
haha
Troy:is that a bad thing?
no it happens
how long has it been
Troy:I don't have an exact count for you, but many months
slut
Troy:at least 6
haha
Troy:pfffffffff
Troy:far from it
what's your number
Dumb-ass gives me his phone number
i meant sexual number
Troy:haha
Troy:dick size?
no like number of guys and girls you've been with
Troy:OH
Troy:I don't have a count sorry
Troy:well 0 girls
Troy:if that helps
*rolls eyes*
Troy:if you're going to talk specific acts
Troy:then certian numbers are much lower than others
sex
like sex
Troy:like anal?
is that how 2 men have sex?
Troy:yes
Troy:there's oral as well
Troy:I want to say around 5 or 6
oral does not count in the sexual numbers game
Troy:great
Troy:because I'd be a total freaking SLUT At this point I wanted to throw up. This guy from the pictures I've seen isn't even cute let alone attractive and after having talked to him for a few nights I was wondering how he was getting ass.
Troy:lol
so you're really that easy huh?
Troy:yeah
Troy:I don't feel like that about myself..........I think I'm far from slutty
Troy: I mean.........I've been to a gay bar in New Hope twice..........and this same guy was there both times...........months apart............and I talked to someone who frequents there and they said this guy is there EVERY night...........always goes home with someone different
Troy: he hit on me.......it was gross
Troy:anyway...........yeah.............I can't even imagine how many people he's been with
Troy:I just got chills........gross pickup line
which one
Troy:"beautiful night out, huh? This weather makes my nipples hard"
Troy:and then there was this bar boy walking around in his underwear
Troy:so the bar boy comes over and wanted to put whipped cream on my nipples or something so he lick it off I just ran
Troy:bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh
classy
public licking turn you off?
Troy:well if it was you
Troy:it could have been a much more positive story
i can only imagine how many guys you've said that 2
Troy:but it was this 40 year old guy
haha
Troy:I'm sorry you feel I'm a slut
Troy:please keep reminding me of it though
Troy:as often as possible
Troy:it really makes me feel better about myself!
Troy:and I don't see you answering all these probing questions
cause i'm asking you
what probing questions do you have
Troy: well I want you to answer the same
Troy: what's your number I'm not sure if he meant sexual partners or telephone.
867-5309
Troy: cute
have you ever been in a 3 some
Troy: you answer first
no
Troy: so how do my answers to these questions affect your perception of me
none Because at this point I know I don't want to go on a date with you.
Troy: like is there some imaginar score that is going down as we speak Is there a place past rock bottom?
Troy: and you're cringing and saying "ummmm yah no chance of meeting him"
Troy: or what
why so evasive
Troy: what am I being evasive about
I've answered every question
Troy: the threesome
Troy: it's just as we go on I feel crappier
Troy: yes, I've been in a threesome twice In my head and itunes the music ques up and I see this
Bee Tee Dubs why is so damn gorgeous?
Troy: both were when I was 20/21
were the other guys hot
Troy:hmmmm I'd say so
Troy:funny thing is
Troy:they both had to do with work
Troy:one was a coworker at the time and his boyfriend
Troy:and the other was a customer at that job and his boyfriend
and how did they approach you
Troy:the coworker.......I had seen him working at his previous job before he started at Lowe's and I thought he was gorgeous. then he started working with me........he found out I was gay through another coworker.......so he asked me to go to lunch. found out he had a boyfriend.......but then he made out with me........very confusing...anyway...........he invited me over to hang out with him and his boyfriend
so his boyfriend that night said "never kiss my boyfriend again without my permission" and then he made out with me too LOL and then the threesome began
gotcha
and the customer one?
Troy:the customer I had when I worked at the customer service desk, had helped him out with a problem on his transaction then when I was online that night he found my profile and recognized me and sent me an e-mail inviting me over to hang otu with him and his boyfriend Cause that's not creepy
Troy:we hung out in the hot tub........and yah things went from there
Troy:I actually really enjoyed that one
why more than the other one?
Troy:it was just really chill and relaxing, they had their own house.......hot tub........
Troy:and there really wasn't pressure to do anything
Troy:it just happened
Troy:and we really just.......sat around watching porn and touching each other and jerking each other off
Troy:it wasn't more than that
that's not a 3 some
3 some is sex
Troy:pffffffffff
Troy:fine then I only had one 3some
Troy:sheesh
Troy:and........
Troy:I only had sex with the one
so it wasn't even a 3some I know ménage à trois and that is not one!
Troy:it was a 2some with a third watching
oh...
Troy:sooooooooooo when can we go on that romantic date
are you sure you can fit me in? you sound so booked
Troy:you suck
Troy:so um
Troy:how do you feel toward me?
honestly i don't know Liar! I know how I feel I just didn't have the balls to say I don't like you as anything but an online chat buddy
Troy:elaborate
you're fun to talk to
Troy:haha
Troy:and?
and
Troy:if it's any consolation I've used protection every time Considering I will never think of you sexually I don't really care.
Troy: and I'm clean
Troy:and haven't done anything risky since last tested
Troy:or anything at all for that matter
i think you're making a big deal out of your past
Troy: just feel judged I guess Well you are by myself and my epic 3(?) readers
Boring interlude where he called me cute and fun to talk too...He always asks this when conversation lulls
Troy: whatcha thinking
why did the hamburglar have to get compromised
Troy: ?
dont worry about it
so what is on your mind
Troy: stop doing thatTroy: I'd prefer you explain something so I no longer feel completely stupid
you wouldn't understand it anyway
so it's not a big deal
Troy: don't assume that either
Troy: that makes me feel stupid too
I'm pretty sure he'd never figure this one out:
Another lapse in the convo and I get this...
Then he goes on to talk about how he loves sex, porn, kissing and cuddling, he calls me sexy, and offered another date. He clearly can't take the hint that I'm not interested...I just need to ignore him all together.
So back to reality. No job as of yet. I can honestly say I have not been giving it enough attention. This weekend is going to be crazy I'm going to a game and a concert so I will update how that goes. I think that's it as far as updates go. My life is really boring right now.
Until tomorrow farewell
I wish that shit moved on it's own...
Truer words were never spoken. Even though nothing about that describes me in reality....moving on.
So on Yahoo news they were discussing two new eating disorders that are becoming more common. This part of the report made me laugh
My mother would be an adult picky eater. Mainly because she has food allergies and tends to stick to food that doesn't upset her stomach.
Orthorexics is that the new technical term for a vegan?
If this next section of my entry were a Britney Spears song it'd be called Boys. But not the remix obviously because remixes tend to be good and this is just well not.
Pretext to the story: So this guy who we will call Troy. I use this name because he jokingly likes this name better than his real name. He contacted me on that site, he was nothing but nice and wanted to chat on aim. We talk and he has asked me out about 3 times now and I have told him that I'm not really interested because he lives an hour away. Oh I also am incredibly sarcastic to him and I think it's starting to hurt his feelings...and he's incredibly gay. Like I can handle some but I fear he might be deemed flaming if we ever meet. Note as I was re-reading our convo some of it is boring. If you would like to skip this section you will note that the end of it will be marked with a picture of a dog riding a giant ram.
Troy: Hi Mike
Hey Troy
Troy:how was your night?
it was decent until i realize my wii is broken
Troy:sorry to hear that
you did it, didn't you
Troy:hmmmmmmm
Troy:I'll replace it I promise :'-(
nah it's cool
save yer money for a flat
Troy:ouch
what was mean about that?
Troy:oh sorry I took it meanl ol
i said save your money for an apartment
that was mean?
Troy:I dunno
Troy:you could mean it mean
Troy:nevermind
Troy:if you meant nothing by it there's nothing for me to explain
Troy:so ummmmmm
Troy: whatcha doing
sorry was talking to my mom
boring stuff that lead us to this point
where you driving i thought you had nothing till sunday
Troy: well I'd like to plan something
Troy:hang out with a friend or something I think he means me
go call them up
Troy:well so far they're all working
Troy:I'm the only one with a 9-5
what a way to make a living
so what's your dream job
Troy:that's a good question
Troy: something well paying in California
Troy:like Ellen Degeneres' assistant or something
Troy:that'd be pretty sweet
Troy:something in the entertainment industry where I can get tickets to anything I want
Troy:haha
^^ Lots of Ims like that in a row means I was playing warcraft and was not paying attention to him.
usually you have to work during that stuff
Troy:well I didn't think we were being realistic
Troy:haha
ok describe your dream boyfriend I saw his answer coming by the way...
Troy:extremely sarcastic
Troy: *my state* resident
Troy:likes to pick on me
Troy:haha
you must have low self esteem to like mean guys
Troy:where did I say mean to me?
pick on you
Troy:playfully
Troy:(hopefully)
Troy:someone who listens to me. Who can hold a serious conversation. Who will be 100% honest
Troy:someone who is as interested in me as I am them Which is going to be hard because as you read you will soon realize how uninteresting he is...
Troy:one sided is definitely no fun
Troy:of course I suppose I then have to be interesting as well.......so that could propose a challeng
Troy:how about you?
i apologize for being so rude I realized that each attempt on the boss in WoW I was answering every 8 minutes and 35 seconds
and taking my time there was some drama
Troy:it's ok I understand
Troy:I don't think you're rude
I do it's ignorant to not at least say hold on
Troy:it happens to the best of us
so my dream guy
5'9
short blonde hair
ocean blue eyes
irish accent
I have no idea who I could possibly be referring to how about you Kian or Nicky?
Troy:I'm picturing this actor who was in Eat. Pray. Love. briefly
Troy:although I guess he was kinda more aussie than irish
aussie rugby players Mentally I was referring to David Williams as shown below
Troy:oh yum
Troy:would you accept lazy boy next door?
Troy:lol
Troy:who is slightly taller
Troy:irish heritage minus the accent haha
oh sorry forgot
husky irish accent
Troy:huh?
like a husky voice
Troy:oh my
Troy:maybe during role play Was that supposed to excite me? Cause it didn't.
you know it sounds almost strained and heavy but that's their normal raspy voice I am very skeptical that a guy like this exists what do you think?
Nicky is skeptical too...anyway
Troy: interesting
Troy: better keep looking then Trust me I plan on it.
Troy: haha
oh i know where it's at
Troy:http://adorkablegrrl.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/then-we-started-kissing-like-this.jpg
Troy:makes me laugh every time
i see that everyday
Boring guessing game of what I named my hamster. He said cummerbund...just because I'm gay does not mean I'd name my hamster something as equally as gay.
Troy:maybe if I went down clients at work I would have gotten that one
lots of ruskies?
Troy:hmm?
Troy:my exes?or the clients
Troy:nvm
so do you not play sports/activities?
Troy:no
Troy:I go to zumba class on Monday nights
Troy:work out
Troy:been doing that for like 3 or 4 months now
Insert brief delay of him confusing my sarcasm for reality.
Troy:yeah I like it because.........>>I hate to work out........and when I do that I have fun and enjoy it
Troy:I don't feel criticized........and the two instructors are really fun
Troy:it's kinda like...........take a vegetable you hate then fry it and dip it in ranch dressing
Troy:kinda makes the pill easier to swallow
eh not a big fan of deep fried stuff
trying not to get fat
Troy:me neither
how tall are you?
Troy:6'4
and how much do you weigh
Troy:haha love how it's always prefaced by how tall are you
Troy: I haven't weighed myself recently
well 5'4 160 is different than 6'4 160
Troy:but anywhere between 190 and 205
Troy:34 - 36" waist
gotcha
Troy:people typically call me skinny
Troy:except for vain gay guys with 6 pack abs
i just like to compare
i'm 6'4 as well
Troy:nice
Troy:how much do you weigh?
4 pac abs <~~~ complete lie
i'm 170 <~~~ Truth
Troy:cool
Troy:I think it'd be the most amazing thing in the world
Troy:to just once...........go to kiss a guy..........and be face to face
Troy:without having to lean down Was I supposed to be like aww I'm so that guy? Because I'm not.
well as my mother always says, it doesn't matter when you're laying down
Troy:lmao
Troy:I knew that was coming
Troy:but still
Troy:I'd so love to meet someone my height
Here is the point where by posting this I'm probably violating a lot of trust and privacy issues but that's why I use fake names to protect the innocent parties.
so how many boyfriends have you had?
Troy:I'll say two
Troy:nothing else has made it to that status
could people not see the 3rd? I think his last boyfriend was
Troy:haha yeah he was imaginary
did that enhance the sex life?
Troy:yes unfortunately
Troy:well there's nothing unfortunate about enhanced sex life
Troy:so scratch that
Idle chat that led to a joke that started a sex talk...
Troy:and I even considered bringing your mom into it
go for it
Troy:naaaaaaaaah I won't stoop to your level
please do i love the company
Troy:only if when I stoop down it's accompanied by a ::zip flop:: sound At that point I had rolled my eyes for the 357 time that night
you need to get laid me thinks
Troy:I do
Troy:I won't lie
haha
Troy:is that a bad thing?
no it happens
how long has it been
Troy:I don't have an exact count for you, but many months
slut
Troy:at least 6
haha
Troy:pfffffffff
Troy:far from it
what's your number
Dumb-ass gives me his phone number
i meant sexual number
Troy:haha
Troy:dick size?
no like number of guys and girls you've been with
Troy:OH
Troy:I don't have a count sorry
Troy:well 0 girls
Troy:if that helps
*rolls eyes*
Troy:if you're going to talk specific acts
Troy:then certian numbers are much lower than others
sex
like sex
Troy:like anal?
is that how 2 men have sex?
Troy:yes
Troy:there's oral as well
Troy:I want to say around 5 or 6
oral does not count in the sexual numbers game
Troy:great
Troy:because I'd be a total freaking SLUT At this point I wanted to throw up. This guy from the pictures I've seen isn't even cute let alone attractive and after having talked to him for a few nights I was wondering how he was getting ass.
Troy:lol
so you're really that easy huh?
Troy:yeah
Troy:I don't feel like that about myself..........I think I'm far from slutty
Troy: I mean.........I've been to a gay bar in New Hope twice..........and this same guy was there both times...........months apart............and I talked to someone who frequents there and they said this guy is there EVERY night...........always goes home with someone different
Troy: he hit on me.......it was gross
Troy:anyway...........yeah.............I can't even imagine how many people he's been with
Troy:I just got chills........gross pickup line
which one
Troy:"beautiful night out, huh? This weather makes my nipples hard"
Troy:and then there was this bar boy walking around in his underwear
Troy:so the bar boy comes over and wanted to put whipped cream on my nipples or something so he lick it off I just ran
Troy:bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh
classy
public licking turn you off?
Troy:well if it was you
Troy:it could have been a much more positive story
i can only imagine how many guys you've said that 2
Troy:but it was this 40 year old guy
haha
Troy:I'm sorry you feel I'm a slut
Troy:please keep reminding me of it though
Troy:as often as possible
Troy:it really makes me feel better about myself!
Troy:and I don't see you answering all these probing questions
cause i'm asking you
what probing questions do you have
Troy: well I want you to answer the same
Troy: what's your number I'm not sure if he meant sexual partners or telephone.
867-5309
Troy: cute
have you ever been in a 3 some
Troy: you answer first
no
Troy: so how do my answers to these questions affect your perception of me
none Because at this point I know I don't want to go on a date with you.
Troy: like is there some imaginar score that is going down as we speak Is there a place past rock bottom?
Troy: and you're cringing and saying "ummmm yah no chance of meeting him"
Troy: or what
why so evasive
Troy: what am I being evasive about
I've answered every question
Troy: the threesome
Troy: it's just as we go on I feel crappier
Troy: yes, I've been in a threesome twice In my head and itunes the music ques up and I see this
Troy: both were when I was 20/21
were the other guys hot
Troy:hmmmm I'd say so
Troy:funny thing is
Troy:they both had to do with work
Troy:one was a coworker at the time and his boyfriend
Troy:and the other was a customer at that job and his boyfriend
and how did they approach you
Troy:the coworker.......I had seen him working at his previous job before he started at Lowe's and I thought he was gorgeous. then he started working with me........he found out I was gay through another coworker.......so he asked me to go to lunch. found out he had a boyfriend.......but then he made out with me........very confusing...anyway...........he invited me over to hang out with him and his boyfriend
so his boyfriend that night said "never kiss my boyfriend again without my permission" and then he made out with me too LOL and then the threesome began
gotcha
and the customer one?
Troy:the customer I had when I worked at the customer service desk, had helped him out with a problem on his transaction then when I was online that night he found my profile and recognized me and sent me an e-mail inviting me over to hang otu with him and his boyfriend Cause that's not creepy
Troy:we hung out in the hot tub........and yah things went from there
Troy:I actually really enjoyed that one
why more than the other one?
Troy:it was just really chill and relaxing, they had their own house.......hot tub........
Troy:and there really wasn't pressure to do anything
Troy:it just happened
Troy:and we really just.......sat around watching porn and touching each other and jerking each other off
Troy:it wasn't more than that
that's not a 3 some
3 some is sex
Troy:pffffffffff
Troy:fine then I only had one 3some
Troy:sheesh
Troy:and........
Troy:I only had sex with the one
so it wasn't even a 3some I know ménage à trois and that is not one!
Troy:it was a 2some with a third watching
oh...
Troy:sooooooooooo when can we go on that romantic date
are you sure you can fit me in? you sound so booked
Troy:you suck
Troy:so um
Troy:how do you feel toward me?
honestly i don't know Liar! I know how I feel I just didn't have the balls to say I don't like you as anything but an online chat buddy
Troy:elaborate
you're fun to talk to
Troy:haha
Troy:and?
and
Troy:if it's any consolation I've used protection every time Considering I will never think of you sexually I don't really care.
Troy: and I'm clean
Troy:and haven't done anything risky since last tested
Troy:or anything at all for that matter
i think you're making a big deal out of your past
Troy: just feel judged I guess Well you are by myself and my epic 3(?) readers
Boring interlude where he called me cute and fun to talk too...He always asks this when conversation lulls
Troy: whatcha thinking
why did the hamburglar have to get compromised
Troy: ?
dont worry about it
so what is on your mind
Troy: stop doing thatTroy: I'd prefer you explain something so I no longer feel completely stupid
you wouldn't understand it anyway
so it's not a big deal
Troy: don't assume that either
Troy: that makes me feel stupid too
Another lapse in the convo and I get this...
Troy: muah
there goes that line again
Then he goes on to talk about how he loves sex, porn, kissing and cuddling, he calls me sexy, and offered another date. He clearly can't take the hint that I'm not interested...I just need to ignore him all together.
Here is the dog riding a ram!
*clickith the ram*
So back to reality. No job as of yet. I can honestly say I have not been giving it enough attention. This weekend is going to be crazy I'm going to a game and a concert so I will update how that goes. I think that's it as far as updates go. My life is really boring right now.
Until tomorrow farewell
*clickith the Jensen*
I wish that shit moved on it's own...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Yes, I am alive.
So this is my first post after surgery. That was an experience all in its own. for the most part the two doctor's visits to my surgery totaled to a massive 5 minutes. the first time I went I waited about a half hour then he stepped in the room, made me cough as he pushed, said I had a hernia and would do the simple mesh procedure. That was it. Didn't explain anything. I had to ask him about it. Then a week later I had surgery. Which hurt but it wasn't completely horrible. Although the percocet didn't make me tired it just got me hyper and made it so I couldn't sleep. I was awake from 11am Thursday morning till 7pm Friday night before I finally got a little shut eye. But come Saturday I had a lovely surprise, half of my penis and testicles were black. No one cared to explain to me that all the blood from surgery settles there in men, if I was a woman it would've just gone down my leg. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXPLAINING THAT...OH YOU DIDN'T!! That was such a nice surprise that I had to Google such important information. Anyway I slowly recovered by watching every movie/show that was OnDemand. Then about 2 weeks after surgery I had my check up. I waited 45 minutes for him to literally be in the room not even a full two minutes. He just looked at it said, looks good-you're all set. That's it. Not you can now drive again, you can now lift more than 20 lbs. Nothing. Just you're all set. Post surgery I'd like a few more words of encouragement as to be fully healed considering at that point I was still pretty bruised at the surgery site, my testicles were still pretty bruised, and I still had some pain. All set doesn't feel very apropos here.
Although the only thing that made me laugh during this whole mess is that Nicky had the same surgery. Incoming gratuitous Nicky picture:
Let's discuss my World of Warcraft life for a moment:
That's Kian. My very sexy Gnome Magician. I wish I had a picture of him on his motorcycle but well I don't right now. Anyway since I've been recovering, I've been spending more time on WoW. the guild I'm in has been short raiders and I have filled in every raid night for the past two weeks. On Sunday there was a boss fight I really wanted to do and long story short they took a mage who is bad. He has bad raid awareness (this means if a boss shots fire on the floor you are supposed to move, he could likely get hit by it) he also has internet issues and disconnects frequently. So they took him over me. I'm not saying I'm the greatest player but I have been told several times by guild leaders that I'm a good raider because I know how to survive in raid. Plus I don't lag/disconnect every raid. This other mage literally had disconnected every raid for the past 2 weeks that I've been there. I know the only reason they picked him over me is that I pretty much quit for 2 months. It just annoys me. Reminds me of how I'm on the back burner these days.
Now the topic I love to hate and hate to love: Boys
So thanks for the paragraph Keith. I'm sure you have copy and pasted that to a few guys. Maybe I'm dumb but I have zero idea what b2b sales are, nor do I want too. I think it's weird he's asking me for a drink/hang out. Don't people have fear of getting raped/murdered/mugged?
I hate rape o'clock its my least favorite time of day.
So the other boys I've talked to include a ballerina, an opera singer, a guy from DC who is bored out of his mind said lets chat then you know-never chatted back?, a guy who has wolf print tattoos on his V and wants more wolf tattoos, and another guy who made me want a decoder ring. I think it may be time to take a haitus from there from a bit. The talent pool seems to be pretty damn shallow. Although I will say I have been feeling more confident and messaging a lot more people although with very little success. But 'until I try I'll never know'
3. My room is completly disguisting.
4. I want a new outfit because I want to feel like I look good post surgery yuckness.
5. I miss CS and his infinite Irish wisdom.
Oh I did finish a chapter of Senior Year thanks to the help of my assistant Kit. Which I need to post as soon as I remember to post it.
So the final installment of this update my weekend adventure...
My friend 'Rachel' who no longer lives in this state invited me to her friend's bday party. I met the girl a few times but I have never really talked to her. However I know Rachel has some crazy fun friends so I brought Chris and invited a couple other people (who didn't show). But that night turned out I knew the bartender at the party from my old working days. Needless to say that fact was one of the highlights of my night which should give you some inclination as to how crap the rest of the night was. So pretty much the first part of the party was at a bar where we had the whole back room. There was cake and I ordered food and it was decent. I got to watch the Flyers game so all was well. At 10 Rachel was like ok we are moving. So we wait. And wait. And wait some more finally at 10:35 we moved. Now if any of you are wondering why 35 mins seems long. At a bar if you are about you move you really don't get a drink or start to do anything. So you stand there for 30 mins waiting for this big bar shift and it gets old fast.
So we move to a bar down the street. Rachel goes who needs a drink out of the 6 of us (Chris wasn't drinking) 5 of us said yeah. Rachel gets 4 beers. She got everyone but me one. Ok...I was a bit annoyed by that but ok maybe she didn't hear me? But I'm pretty sure she did. Fast forward 15 minutes and only half a beer later Rachel wants to move to a different bar to dance. So we move again...
New bar this time with 80/90's dance music. It was a lot of fun as the group of like 10 of us were dancing. Jump ahead 15 minutes there's only me, Chris, Rachel, and this girl Linda. Everyone else just drifted off/went to a tequila bar. So we are dancing having fun for another like 10-15 mins, then Rachel and Linda are like we'll be back we are going to the bathroom. So Chris and I save her spot. But during this time I'm bitter because 'Like I Love You' by Jtimbs comes on and I have no one to dance with. SO FUCKING LAME. Chris and I waited a half hour the girls never show up. We decide to go look for them. We go to the other room which has a band- no sign of them. The band was playing a song I liked so I was like eh lets stay here while Chris went to the bathroom. Que Rachel who shows up like 2 seconds after Chris leaves. 'Oh sorry I liked the song and we went dancing' That's what she said to me...really you couldn't have taken the two second to grab me and Chris in the half hour you were gone? Anyway she wanted to leave to visit the birthday girl and her fiance at the tequila bar. Which was lame. Before we even went out that night I told Chris I get tired easy from my surgery so if I want to leave can we go. He said yeah that's fine. He didn't want me to over do it.
We walk up the street to the Tequila bar. Meanwhile we are with this guy Todd who just turned 21 the week before. Todd is white trash. He's on the street basically yelling, wearing a bandana he was given by the Jager girls at the first bar we were at. I say this because the Tequila bar was actually classy. There were people in sport coats/ties. They were dressed up and he wanted to roll up wearing a bandanna and acting a mess. So we got in and there are 4 of them and about 5 of us. Well they pretty much make room for everyone but me and Chris. We are standing there awkwardly. I told Chris I was ready to leave. He said he wasn't ready just yet. He wanted to stay there and try and hit on Linda. What happened to Bro's before Hoes? Like you said you'd take me home, I'm bored, and in pain. Yet you want to stay and hit on a girl you barely know or have a shot with. So I said ok we can stay just because I know Chris has nothing going on in his life. Thank God my cousin was around to text because for the next half hour I didn't talk to a single person. While all this is going on I can hear Todd talking he's pretty much yelling Faggot at everything this other guy says. We are in a full bar and he's yelling that it's like grow the hell up. Then as if the night wasn't bad enough Todd comes over to me whilst texting and goes 'You don't talk much'. And I gave him a dirty look and said 'ok'. He then says 'are you a terrorist?' I'm like 'what?' He then says 'Well you don't talk. Like there is a normal level of talking and you don't hit that' I'm like 'Do I look like a terrorist' He replies with 'I don't know. Lots of people Muslim' So as if yelling Faggot wasn't enough to look douchey he's now accusing me of being a terrorist because I don't want to associate myself with/talk to him. I said 'No I talk. However you talk too much. Are you a terrorist?' He's like 'no I talk so i'm not' And I said 'Well that could be a clever ruse to hide that you are one' At this point he was either confused or wanted to walk away cause he said 'look i'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean it or nothing.' I rolled my eyes and went back to texting. So like a couple minutes later Rachel decided she wanted to go back to dancing. As we walked out of the bar we ran into some people who were with us earlier in the night. Linda liked one of those guys so she went over and started talking to him. SHOCKER! Chris was now ready to go home. Fucking tool. We left. It was such a stupid and lame fucking night.
The only other highlight of my night was when Linda said she liked my jacket and that I was one of the best dancers she's ever seen. You know why? Cause I got it...
Although the only thing that made me laugh during this whole mess is that Nicky had the same surgery. Incoming gratuitous Nicky picture:
Let's discuss my World of Warcraft life for a moment:
That's Kian. My very sexy Gnome Magician. I wish I had a picture of him on his motorcycle but well I don't right now. Anyway since I've been recovering, I've been spending more time on WoW. the guild I'm in has been short raiders and I have filled in every raid night for the past two weeks. On Sunday there was a boss fight I really wanted to do and long story short they took a mage who is bad. He has bad raid awareness (this means if a boss shots fire on the floor you are supposed to move, he could likely get hit by it) he also has internet issues and disconnects frequently. So they took him over me. I'm not saying I'm the greatest player but I have been told several times by guild leaders that I'm a good raider because I know how to survive in raid. Plus I don't lag/disconnect every raid. This other mage literally had disconnected every raid for the past 2 weeks that I've been there. I know the only reason they picked him over me is that I pretty much quit for 2 months. It just annoys me. Reminds me of how I'm on the back burner these days.
Now the topic I love to hate and hate to love: Boys
So thanks for the paragraph Keith. I'm sure you have copy and pasted that to a few guys. Maybe I'm dumb but I have zero idea what b2b sales are, nor do I want too. I think it's weird he's asking me for a drink/hang out. Don't people have fear of getting raped/murdered/mugged?
I hate rape o'clock its my least favorite time of day.
So the other boys I've talked to include a ballerina, an opera singer, a guy from DC who is bored out of his mind said lets chat then you know-never chatted back?, a guy who has wolf print tattoos on his V and wants more wolf tattoos, and another guy who made me want a decoder ring. I think it may be time to take a haitus from there from a bit. The talent pool seems to be pretty damn shallow. Although I will say I have been feeling more confident and messaging a lot more people although with very little success. But 'until I try I'll never know'
RANDOM THOUGHTS!
1. The Britney remix of S&M was very disappointing
2. I do not feel like looking for a job but I know I must.3. My room is completly disguisting.
4. I want a new outfit because I want to feel like I look good post surgery yuckness.
5. I miss CS and his infinite Irish wisdom.
Oh I did finish a chapter of Senior Year thanks to the help of my assistant Kit. Which I need to post as soon as I remember to post it.
So the final installment of this update my weekend adventure...
My friend 'Rachel' who no longer lives in this state invited me to her friend's bday party. I met the girl a few times but I have never really talked to her. However I know Rachel has some crazy fun friends so I brought Chris and invited a couple other people (who didn't show). But that night turned out I knew the bartender at the party from my old working days. Needless to say that fact was one of the highlights of my night which should give you some inclination as to how crap the rest of the night was. So pretty much the first part of the party was at a bar where we had the whole back room. There was cake and I ordered food and it was decent. I got to watch the Flyers game so all was well. At 10 Rachel was like ok we are moving. So we wait. And wait. And wait some more finally at 10:35 we moved. Now if any of you are wondering why 35 mins seems long. At a bar if you are about you move you really don't get a drink or start to do anything. So you stand there for 30 mins waiting for this big bar shift and it gets old fast.
So we move to a bar down the street. Rachel goes who needs a drink out of the 6 of us (Chris wasn't drinking) 5 of us said yeah. Rachel gets 4 beers. She got everyone but me one. Ok...I was a bit annoyed by that but ok maybe she didn't hear me? But I'm pretty sure she did. Fast forward 15 minutes and only half a beer later Rachel wants to move to a different bar to dance. So we move again...
New bar this time with 80/90's dance music. It was a lot of fun as the group of like 10 of us were dancing. Jump ahead 15 minutes there's only me, Chris, Rachel, and this girl Linda. Everyone else just drifted off/went to a tequila bar. So we are dancing having fun for another like 10-15 mins, then Rachel and Linda are like we'll be back we are going to the bathroom. So Chris and I save her spot. But during this time I'm bitter because 'Like I Love You' by Jtimbs comes on and I have no one to dance with. SO FUCKING LAME. Chris and I waited a half hour the girls never show up. We decide to go look for them. We go to the other room which has a band- no sign of them. The band was playing a song I liked so I was like eh lets stay here while Chris went to the bathroom. Que Rachel who shows up like 2 seconds after Chris leaves. 'Oh sorry I liked the song and we went dancing' That's what she said to me...really you couldn't have taken the two second to grab me and Chris in the half hour you were gone? Anyway she wanted to leave to visit the birthday girl and her fiance at the tequila bar. Which was lame. Before we even went out that night I told Chris I get tired easy from my surgery so if I want to leave can we go. He said yeah that's fine. He didn't want me to over do it.
We walk up the street to the Tequila bar. Meanwhile we are with this guy Todd who just turned 21 the week before. Todd is white trash. He's on the street basically yelling, wearing a bandana he was given by the Jager girls at the first bar we were at. I say this because the Tequila bar was actually classy. There were people in sport coats/ties. They were dressed up and he wanted to roll up wearing a bandanna and acting a mess. So we got in and there are 4 of them and about 5 of us. Well they pretty much make room for everyone but me and Chris. We are standing there awkwardly. I told Chris I was ready to leave. He said he wasn't ready just yet. He wanted to stay there and try and hit on Linda. What happened to Bro's before Hoes? Like you said you'd take me home, I'm bored, and in pain. Yet you want to stay and hit on a girl you barely know or have a shot with. So I said ok we can stay just because I know Chris has nothing going on in his life. Thank God my cousin was around to text because for the next half hour I didn't talk to a single person. While all this is going on I can hear Todd talking he's pretty much yelling Faggot at everything this other guy says. We are in a full bar and he's yelling that it's like grow the hell up. Then as if the night wasn't bad enough Todd comes over to me whilst texting and goes 'You don't talk much'. And I gave him a dirty look and said 'ok'. He then says 'are you a terrorist?' I'm like 'what?' He then says 'Well you don't talk. Like there is a normal level of talking and you don't hit that' I'm like 'Do I look like a terrorist' He replies with 'I don't know. Lots of people Muslim' So as if yelling Faggot wasn't enough to look douchey he's now accusing me of being a terrorist because I don't want to associate myself with/talk to him. I said 'No I talk. However you talk too much. Are you a terrorist?' He's like 'no I talk so i'm not' And I said 'Well that could be a clever ruse to hide that you are one' At this point he was either confused or wanted to walk away cause he said 'look i'm sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean it or nothing.' I rolled my eyes and went back to texting. So like a couple minutes later Rachel decided she wanted to go back to dancing. As we walked out of the bar we ran into some people who were with us earlier in the night. Linda liked one of those guys so she went over and started talking to him. SHOCKER! Chris was now ready to go home. Fucking tool. We left. It was such a stupid and lame fucking night.
The only other highlight of my night was when Linda said she liked my jacket and that I was one of the best dancers she's ever seen. You know why? Cause I got it...
*clickith*
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Updates
Sorry for being negligent to my massive three readers. Is it even that many?
So the point where I'm at:
Gmat test is next friday. I have 3 books and spent a few hours yesterday studying. I'm going to go study tonight once I finish this post. It's one of those things where the more I study the less confident I feel. Here's an example of the math question.
Question: If Mikes spends more time doing X and less time doing Y then XY= success.
A. X must be a positive integer
B. Y must be Mike getting his shit together.
1. A is sufficient on its own
2. B is sufficient on its own
3. Both A and B are sufficient and depend on each other.
4. Both A and B are sufficient on their own.
5. Neither A or B are sufficient.
The correct answer=
Fuck if I know. Also for those of you about to use a calculator, that's not allowed on the test. I know it's so amazing.
Moving on...
My sister's wedding was a big success. It flew by too fast and took up too much of my time.
Motivation level these days - very low. My injury is keeping my spirits down and my motivation even lower. Although my cousin gave me a good idea. Even if I don't do a good job on my GMATs and don't get into grad school, I could always just search for jobs in Ireland.
This one icon can sum up my feelings towards dating at this moment in time:
I want to be incognito and apathetic to the situation because it's a hot mess. The variety of boys who have been sending messages have been...well not my style. There was one guy who made me smile.
Note that I'm dark grey. But as the conversation continued he pretty much just answered my questions and didn't really ask me anything back. It's at the point where I asked him something and he hasn't responded even though he's been online. So I guess it's safe to put him in the never going to happen pile.
And then as if to throw salt in the wounds my stats aren't looking so hot...
Ouch. No one likes to look at me...But this leads me to question if I should do the whole edit profile/put up new picture thing again. Yes it will get me attention however the attention I get for the most part isn't stuff I want. Although I am starting to realize I've become obsessed with that site. I check it multiple times a day. I'm addicted to the potential of talking to people even if I don't like them. That's a red flag. I shouldn't be dependent on the site for that kind of enjoyment. I'm over thinking and over obsessing about relationships. It's hard not to think and hope about something you've been wanting all your life. I have a trouble of keeping things in moderation. I tend to obsess and over do it. I don't want to do that with dating cause it's burning me out. Blar.
In other news my new Nikon D3100 took some fucking amazing photos. I am in love with that camera. I am also in love with the new Armani Exchange watch that I was given. Besides the need for surgery and the GMATs plaguing my existence things are going somewhat well...maybe?
Maybe.
So the point where I'm at:
Gmat test is next friday. I have 3 books and spent a few hours yesterday studying. I'm going to go study tonight once I finish this post. It's one of those things where the more I study the less confident I feel. Here's an example of the math question.
Question: If Mikes spends more time doing X and less time doing Y then XY= success.
A. X must be a positive integer
B. Y must be Mike getting his shit together.
1. A is sufficient on its own
2. B is sufficient on its own
3. Both A and B are sufficient and depend on each other.
4. Both A and B are sufficient on their own.
5. Neither A or B are sufficient.
The correct answer=
Fuck if I know. Also for those of you about to use a calculator, that's not allowed on the test. I know it's so amazing.
Moving on...
My sister's wedding was a big success. It flew by too fast and took up too much of my time.
Motivation level these days - very low. My injury is keeping my spirits down and my motivation even lower. Although my cousin gave me a good idea. Even if I don't do a good job on my GMATs and don't get into grad school, I could always just search for jobs in Ireland.
This one icon can sum up my feelings towards dating at this moment in time:
I want to be incognito and apathetic to the situation because it's a hot mess. The variety of boys who have been sending messages have been...well not my style. There was one guy who made me smile.
Note that I'm dark grey. But as the conversation continued he pretty much just answered my questions and didn't really ask me anything back. It's at the point where I asked him something and he hasn't responded even though he's been online. So I guess it's safe to put him in the never going to happen pile.
(taken from http://cardiff.theoffside.com/cardiff-city-news/migration-happy-bluebirds-held-by-ewesless-rams.html)
And then as if to throw salt in the wounds my stats aren't looking so hot...
Ouch. No one likes to look at me...But this leads me to question if I should do the whole edit profile/put up new picture thing again. Yes it will get me attention however the attention I get for the most part isn't stuff I want. Although I am starting to realize I've become obsessed with that site. I check it multiple times a day. I'm addicted to the potential of talking to people even if I don't like them. That's a red flag. I shouldn't be dependent on the site for that kind of enjoyment. I'm over thinking and over obsessing about relationships. It's hard not to think and hope about something you've been wanting all your life. I have a trouble of keeping things in moderation. I tend to obsess and over do it. I don't want to do that with dating cause it's burning me out. Blar.
In other news my new Nikon D3100 took some fucking amazing photos. I am in love with that camera. I am also in love with the new Armani Exchange watch that I was given. Besides the need for surgery and the GMATs plaguing my existence things are going somewhat well...maybe?
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