Shit I forgot in my last post.

2 entries ago I talked about a guy who looked like Sloth from the Goonies. Well shortly after realizing that he wasn't from a different country (err sort of), he's from Georgia, I decided he was a bit uneducated for my liking. But isn't there some quote about being stubborn or persistent gets what they want? Because he keeps trying...my inbox like a day after that convo
*I just got my paint program...GAME ON!*

The May 25th one just makes me sad. You are really going to try after I ignored your 3 other messages? The messages themselves were quality:

There were 2 more but I'm tired of trying to edit them. At this rate I will never finish this entry. A guy just started talking to me. Not sure how I feel about that right now.

Back to the point the shit I forgot.

The first was while we were dancing at the bar on Saturday this guy was with this group of girls and he was wearing a hat. And he turned around and looked exactly like Mike. My heart did that pang thing. Where it hurts and goes hollow for just a split second then the feeling fades from top to bottom of it. I literally had to just shake my head and keep from mentally exploding or breaking or something. I was like holy shit what is he doing here. Then I realized that it's not him. I don't know which would've been better if it was him, or the reality that it wasn't. The rest of the night I kept doing double glances just to make sure it wasn't him. Nerdy I know. But I had to.

When I was in bed that night I had a lot of 'what if' questions. What if it was Mike? What would I say? Oh Hi Mike. Nice to finally meet you in person. Thanks for blowing me off and getting my hopes up? Oh hey I still think about you all the time? I still have strong feelings for you? The whole thing just mentally raped my emotions. I say I am over him till I think about him. Bleh. I fucking hate it. I just need to remember that he was wrong for me. Lesson learned. (Fuck the break up CD I'm currently making playing in the background making me feel worse right now haha)

Lighter topic. I GOT A SHANE FILAN MATCH! I haven't played on myheritage for a long time. But I did and I got Shane as a match. Then I also got a few where I had Marky. No shocker there.

Next today I read the entire book 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I read it in high school and loved it. Now rereading it I loved it even more. It's funny how a book feels like an old friend. You know the stories but it still feels close to your heart. Although this time I will say that it hits close to home. Not all of it obviously because there are some serious issues in it that I don't have. It's little things I identify with like his style of writing. Charlie (the narrator) writes like he talks...seem familiar? The way he knows certain moments he'll never forget and when he's in them he tries to capture every ounce of it. I try to be like that but it's hard. He's also incredibly nostalgic and emotional.  Two things I identify with a ton. I always felt like I was too emotional for my own good.

What struck me as odd is that normally when I read I never really picture the people. When I think of scenes I imagine there's stuff going on but never like bodies. The only time I do is if there is a movie. Like the Harry Potter series I could imagine a lot of it easier because there were human shapes to fill my head. Well for Perks of Being a Wallflower I really never tried to picture Charlie or his friends. However I have no idea why or the reason but I pictured Patrick to be very similar to Brian McFadden.
The only thing I could think of is that they are goofballs but really genuine people. That's about it. Or the fact he got drunk and dropped his trousers to fart in the face of Ireland and that seems like something Patrick would do. But none the less this was my mental image.

(taken from http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/music/soundz-like-a-hit-20100422-tfvz.html)

 (taken from http://news.superiorpics.com/2007/03/27/McFADDEN_DECLARES_KATONA_WEDDING_A_DISASTER.html)

*Note the article from the last picture is actually kinda funny. Well not funny as in haha but funny as in he's grown up enough now to see the mistake.

 Last thought of the night. Shit that bugs me: Myself. I hate that I'm a coward. I think I've honestly only said out-loud that I'm gay maybe 3 times. I literally can't wrap my head around that phrase. I think it's because I'm still not really comfortable with it. I guess years of being mocked for it have instilled a fear which is reasonable. But I need to try to put those childhood and awkward high school  years aside. Apparently I'm attractive enough if guys want to use me for sex I just need to find a guy to use me for my love. I really wish I felt as confident as I wish I did.