Me: so i have a question for you
Mike: what is it
Me:the last time we talked you said you were scared to meet me, what did you mean by that
Mike: if i remember correctly
im pretty sure at that point in my life
i realized i should stay single
or date someone wildly fucked up
youre far too good for me
by miles and miles
and im not afraid of you, im afraid of myself
i dont trust myself for a second
Me: I wish you had just told me that then because I felt like everything I did was completly wrong and fucked up
and I felt horrible that you were going through that shit especially with your sister and you wanted nothing to do with me
Mike: if it makes you feel any better it took me awhile to be able to say that even aloud when i was alone in a room, let alone to tell that to another human being, especially one who was going to be effected by it
see that is what im talking about
Me: no I get it
Mike: i know i can make ppl feel like shit even unintentionally
and thats not something anyone deserves
Me: well it was my fault
Mike: no it wasnt
Me: I got too attached
Mike: thats not a bad thing
Me: I learned from it
Mike: its a bad thing to get attached to someone like me
but not in general
Me: I dunno it just fucked with my head
especially since you were the first guy I was really into I thought i just was horrible at dating/talking and all that
i'm not trying to make you feel bad so please dont
i needed to learn and it helped
Mike: well i knew that about you
i feel bad
of course i do
Me: dont please
Mike: no its fine
Me: no becaues now i'm afraid you're not going to talk to me anymore
Mike: hahaa why would i not talk to you because of something i myself control?
Me: I don't know
the whole situation was weird and I had no clue how to handle it I still am like ugh what is going on
i was shocked as shit that you messaged me
Mike: i may be emotionally incapable of being with another human being romantically but im not incapable of controlling myself
Me: i don't think you are in capable
Mike: you also do not know me
not the way i know myself
and you saying that is just more proof that i would be absolutely terrible for you
and id hurt you badly
probably without even trying
Me: what has you so convinced that you can't be in a relationship
Mike: idk if its something i can explain
Me: i think one day you will find someone you love enough and you'll get married
Mike: its just something about myself that i know
at least at this point in my life
im sure i will
see that's just it
and im sure it will be a disaster
Me: you change your mind a ton
Mike: no, i usually am just not very honest with myself
about what?
Mike: how i feel, what is really going on in my head, what reality is
what i am capable of
Me: I don't think you give yourself enough credit
Mike: maybe
but i dont think so
Me: I think you're stubborn and stuck inside your head
Mike: and ive known myself for a long time
i know how it would go
Me: I just don't want to see you regret this years down the line (not me just in general)
Mike if no one else gets hurt, i wont reger it
Me: it's life people get hurt everyday
you know that you get hit by cars
Mike: hahaha
see here is what i know
Me:and how do you think you'll hurt someone
ok
Mike: i know there is something about me that makes ppl become very attached
i mean i know im a good person
Me: well you're pretty awesome
Mike: dont speakkkk
shhhhh
quiet
me: EFFFF UUUU
Mike: see kay
anyway
i know there is that something about me, whatever it is. and i know this lends itself to love. and a pretty intense love.
i also know that for whatever fucked up reason, once i know that a person has gotten to that point, and everything is easy and predictable, a part of me closes off
i have no control over it
and even though i will try to stay
they know im not there anymore
and it will end up breaking their heart
and i have no intention of allowing myself to put myself in that position, or putting someone else in a position wherein i know eventually i will hurt them
i cant have that on my conscience anymore
ive already hurt enough ppl
its not fair
Text portion:
Mike: i shall bite u.
Me: I'll smack u then what?
Mike: idk im out of options
Me: Lame ur bad at this
Mike: At biting? i'm exceptional. id probs slap u back tho cause i enjoy that
Me: I know you do. Id bite u the fuck back
Mike: Perfect.
Me:Game on
Mike: I'm not even kidding
Me: Its funny cause itll never happen
Mike: exactly lol
Me: Ur just a pussy and know i'll fuck you up
Mike: We can go with that :)
Me: Right...but seriously r we ever gonna hang out in person or is that off the table?
Mike: Nah we can. Now that ive told u what i should have realized awhile ago
Me: Yeah way to be 8 months late
Mike: yeah i wish I had known before
Me: Eh well at least you messaged me cause I sure wouldn't have done it
Mike: Why?
Me: Because I was pissed at u that u wouldn't answer me why u were scared. And i didn't want to open that can of worms months later. So i wrote u off
Mike: Good reason. Perfect reason actually.
Me: Hence why i removed you from FB
Mike: Makes sense
